Dude has a bag of wine attached to his belt. These guys don't fuck around.
Yo I tried to get u stoned for ur dreams by blowing weed smoke in ur face while u slept. Ur welcome.
and honestly how many chances will you get to hook up with a one armed guy?
IT'S LINGERIE PURCHASED FROM A FLEA MARKET, THE ONLY THING IT'S GOING TO BE POSITIVE FOR IS A TEST FOR HIV
he ate me out like 4 times and told me that my vagina "was too much fun".
A man that refers to my vagina in third person is a man after my own heart.
I just stabbed open a can of Spaghetti Os with a spork. Who says I cant take care of myself?
its ok, the prom king gave me his crown to puke in
Over 50% of the drunkest nights I have ever had began with me saying "I'll just drink my dinner" to you.
I’m a coke loving, addy selling, pot smoking CRIMINOLOGY major. If there isn't irony in that I give up.
Ok I'm drunk as fuck already at 529 and this waitress started flirting with me, I wanna bang her for acknowledging my existence
What drinking game we play yesterday? Fight club or something?
what do you mean i can't make cookies with a blow dryer? challenge accepted.
did i get sucker punched in the face last night or was our make-out session just that intense?
It's to the point where if a guy can so much as find my clit, I'll consider him amazing in bed
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