ha. weirdest feeling ever. just wiped my ass with my non-dominant hand. (eating cheeseburger with right one)
Your grandmother is in heaven weeping.
So they call this "a walk of shame" but fuck that...this walk is fantastic. What kind of debbie downer came up with that name?
Probably, but last night was a special kind of drunk. It was a "let's see how drunk I can get without killing myself" drunk.
I wish you had a penis so you could experience peeing out the window in front of a crowd of people leaving parties.
There is something depressing about eating toast in a dark living room by myself using a paper plate that says: "Let's Party!"
Something about a hand job in a car doesn't scream girlfriend
It was beyond pathetic. You yelled her name at every blonde chick we saw hoping it would be her. Then you puked your corn dog
Florida has a way of just fucking with a person's soul and jizzing all over their hopes and dreams. Like existential bukkake.
That feels better than graduating college or that time I tried to ride a llama. Did you know they really spit?
At least I got steroids and a baguette out of the deal
I came so hard I went blind for a few seconds.
For a girl who cried from fear the last time she was asked out, this. Is. TERRIFYING!
Hey bro are you still alive??? I'm sure you are wondering how you ended up laying on the floor at the foot of your bed and why there is a wheelchair by your door....
yes we're having sex but I'm texting you...so what does that tell you?
I just ran into my psychology professor at Planned Parenthood she asked why I was there and I asked why she was there and it turns out we both had a scare.#bonding because of abortion.
Randomize