Jake died.
WTF????????? That's how you tell me????
Oops typo. Jake cried.
I've had that scene from "Parenthood" where Rick Moranis' character is singing "Close To You" to his wife in classroom, stuck in my head all morning.
I guess my mind is just wondering whatever happened to Rick Mornais.
Im so hungover
Come over i have rolls
Ecstasy rolls or Challah rolls?
i was the DD for the swedish students tonight. Got paid 23 dollars for driving 10 miles. gotta love ignorance and the confusion conversion brings.
Literally just stood in the shower and forgot what to do. that hungover.
just as they were cutting his pants off he made em stop & said "everyone knows about shrinkage right".
we just got kicked out of the mexican restaurant. i have a full pitcher of margarita's hiding under my coat.
Cognac is not meant to be taken in shots. I just wanted you to know the desperation of last night.
In my defense, last night's hookup turned out to be my actual girlfriend. That's gotta count for something, right?
He walked up to anal ring toss like he was going to win you a teddy bear
i just woke up to her giving me a toothy BJ so I had to break into your bedroom and steal about 4 condoms. Sorry for waking you. :(
He left weed in my bong for me this morning. What a guy.
Haha I'M GOING TO MISS HIS PENIS SO MUCH. But not his bipolarness.
3.5 bazillion penises. So not that hard to find a new good one
I think my liver just tried to kill me, we need to slow down
Omfg 7 hour sex session who am I?
PS: I think I'm in love
Ability to walk tomorrow tbd
Randomize
