Ha. Yes. I'm at a strip club. I'm the barack obama of strip clubs
Whod you bang
Crying babies in a bar. Really?
And she just changed the baby's diaper on the table. It's killing the beer garden.
I am at the gas station and there is a whole amish family here I'm not sure why the amish need gas but I think its worth investigating
Is it wrong in Austin to talk to the homeless while I feed a bird my chips??
My drug dealer is making me hot tea during the snowstorm...I'm a fan.
THIS TIME TOMORROW MY VAG IS GONNA BE BRAND SPANKING NEW.
I feel like I have heartburn in my nipples.
We were coming but I found wine on my way out the door.
i am rolling on molly so fucking hard i want to do 300 cartwheels
What's an appropriate engagement gift for the girl that's marrying your brother's Tuesday night hookup? Cause all I can think of is vodka and Kleenex.
She told me the only rule was that I couldn't cum on her Batman blanket.
You texted him 17 times. Asking for him back and sending random pictures of Jimmy Buffett. He didn't answer.
Just found a rebirth in peppermint schnapps. May be able to stay up all night and finish this paper after all. MERRY CHRISTMAS
Did you get good sleep?
I dreamt that I was a lipstick lesbian in the 1950s, working at Walgreens and solving mysteries.
So yes.
Randomize
