I have demons in me.
left comments onEVRY SINGLE1of my posts n status updates.Im done dating freshmen
She made me put my jeans under her mattress so that I wouldn't leave in the morning while she was still sleeping. Apparently I just look like "that guy".
is it really high of me to have brought my own hot sauce to wendys?
They just both started mumbling "i cant go home like this" "it's all over my face" "do you have extra pants?"
You insisted on drinking champagne out of the dog bowl
my goal is to not remember how i make a living by 9pm saturday night
Dude you don't even know. I spilled the tequila and it took 4 people to stop me from drinking it off the table.
I like literally had a visual image of his penis going into your soul
He ran into the surf holding up a cigarette yelling "let the Olympic games begin!" So no, no vodka left.
He handcuffed himself to the keg... D is hooking up with him anyway.
If my neighbors have super loud sex again tonight, I'm going to leave a ball-gag and roll of duct tape in their mail slot.
AND I woke up to eggs in my bra. Thanks Taco Cabana...
Well, i'm not hugging a bag of cheetos and crying while I watch Friends wishing that we were Ross and Rachel. So clearly I'might doing better than last night.
If you gave someone an std. would you say a muffin basket, a candy gram or an edible arrangement is a better choice to send them?
Randomize
