i need a lesbian romance or unplanned pregnancy for some spicein my life.
I was found on the hood of someone elses car... Who would've thought there were 2 white nissans?
Just jerked off to Cameron Diaz in "My Sister's Keeper". New low.
I wiped my blood on their walls screaming "IT'S NOT MY SECURITY DEPOSIT!"
We didn't have a blender for the margaritas, so she tried to use the garbage disposal and wasted half a handle of my grandpa's good tequila.
unfortunetly they frown upon drunk on duty paramedics
Next time we include dessert condiments into our sex life we can fuck up my sheets. It's only fair.
Pretty sure I was high. I thought there was music coming out of my makeup bag.
I woke up at 4 am. Literally pissed. No idea what happened. I could have fucked a cow.
I would have dumped her already but between the 4 hr bjs and our shared love of enjoying thirsty Thursday naked while watching basketball I'd say its the best shot at love ill ever have
My dad picked me up from the bus station and as soon as he saw me he yelled "bus backwards is SUB!" and started laughing, I'm like 800% sure he's stoned. I'm so happy I came home for spring break.
She pulled up to the bar in a limo, wasted, and alone. Gets out, shrugs and slurs "I couldn't find a cab" and proceeds to take a shot.
I'm in love.
Does me being hung over take away from how professional I can be today?
You left me a drunk voicemail of you describing your pizza to me at 2 AM
Do you remember punching the light out in the bathroom? I didn't, and that was at bar 2 of 4…
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