Her best guy friend really had a thing for her all along.... Now we're back together and he's gone Dawson's Creek with his away messages.
did you know delaware is a STATE? HOLY CRAP! i didn't till i was hitting on this chick and asked her when she said she was from delaware, which state that was in. crazyness
Mango Malibu should win a nobel peace prize
finding my wedding ring encrusted in vomit this morning really just topped off last night...
chipotle is closed for thanksgiving... I am officially thankful for NOTHING.
we were holding hands throwing up into the same garbage can; if thats not true love i dont know what is .
she just convinced the cop to buy us ice-cream sandwiches. best/worst stoned experience ever.
Dude I just ripped my new jeans climbing out the window so his booty call wouldn't realize I was home. Being his roommate should come with hazard pay
There is a dude in a thong with a Nerf axe having battles in the street. Welcome to Portland
hoooly shit dude in taco costume challenged alpha douche to a fight. he's got catch phrases. come. now.
Dude... She just sent me a story of how she wants to fuck me on a boat and call me her captain.. Well ahoy mateys, lets set sail
If you sleep with him again I'll have you spayed
The crowd is chanting "we want sex!" There's a man dressed as bacon. That is all
i woke up with blood and cuts on my face and i don't remember anything after winning four games of beer pong in a row last night. and i'm still drunk.
you are a true champion. bear my children.
How high do u want to get? Just kind of high or yelling at swans high...
Swans
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