Why don't you ever send me any naked pics
Accidentally just signed something at work 'lotus flower' I need to keep my stripper life separate from real life.
The future queen of Norway was pregnant with a druglord's baby when she met the prince. We still have hope.
Thanks for FaceTime'ing with that ugly chick last night while me and her friend were in the other room. it's good to know I can still count on my wingman even when we're 2000 miles apart
all of the sudden, the other guy at the bar who was celebrating his birthday got a super inspired look on his face and then screamed at me ''our parents fucked on the same day!''
Does having a sippy cup full of wine, at an outlet mall, qualify you as 'having a problem'?
Just found a pic on my phone of you on squatting on the hood of a police car about to take a dump. Care to explain what happened last night?
Ong my arms are moving wo my consent
Oh, I never thought you were a dick. You were one of the best morally comprised ideas I've ever had.
I have no idea. There are 6 asians singing hey soul sister to me right now.
When the cop tells you to leave the pool, does that mean you have to put your bathing suit back on too?
Boobs are also good for catching the vodka gummy bears that miss my mouth
if i had known the extra weight would have gone to my tits, i would have started drinking years ago
We were all day drunk by 2pm. Now I know why they hate Americans
I know you just got bad medical news... But want some moonshine?
Randomize
