just walked by a lingerie store, the sign out front, "Specials for Father's Day", in no way is that just not wrong.
Is Jonathan Taylor Thomas a gay? I need you to google search it for me. Its important
too bad they don't have a 'people you may be able to do' thing on facebook. it would save me a lot of fucking time.
My balls are so social today.
Did we use protection last night?
Um, no...keep in touch, okay?
I'm stoned and have been watching so many cartoons that I changed the channel and real people were on, and it scared me
Dude, dont worry about the lamb fetus in the fridge.
What?
Just dont open the beer drawer.
i just burped and it tasted like condom. please tell me i wasn't lame and made that guy wear one for a bj last night.
and you wish you could be eating a cookie right now. but all you get to eat is a penis
I found a half composed text to you this morning and all it said was HELP M. Is that how I ended up at the bottom of the stairwell in only a tee-shirt and one heel?
considering I never received the text I would go with 'yes'.
you didn't want to pay for the shots so you negotiated with the bartenders. Apparently 1 shot is worth 5 seconds of motor-boating you.
People shouldn't leave you two alone together. You're just going to end up having sex.
Even if they did assume we were doing kinky shit, it's not like they're gonna be like, "HALT SATAN! INTAKE SOME JESUS AND VOMIT YOUR SINS!"
Hey. Did I get punched in the face last night?
Yeah. I told you I would and you didn't believe me.
The hangover struggle is to real, just passed the drive thru window. Twice.
Randomize