this is amzing! feels like my body is having sex with its surroundings!
if another girl says "im usually cleaner down there" I'm just going to shoot myself
her orgasm sounded like a fucking walrus crying.
i forgot what you looked like. so we left to get pizza. sorry
Went to get my tattoo today. Found out the piercing girl is bi. I may just get my nipples done to get hit on tomorrow. Confidence is low these days.
I cleaned out the fridge, had to pound the brews. I am going to be wrecked for my final at 1
Best part of failing a semester of college: not having to buy books next semester. I can drink to that
My dream had 1 penis and 2 pizzas in it. Priorities?
A nice make out session never hurt anyone. Plus he's a pilot, so he'll know the safety procedures for when the night crashes and burns.
Sometimes you get drunk and fall out of a car. I never said it was glamorous.
When I said tequila slammers would be the death of me, I didn't intend it to be today. Oh god.
That bottle of wine took a part of my soul with it.
She just asked if I wanted to eat nachos off of her boobs... I'm going to marry this girl.
I think I should just be a madame. Fuck it.
I'm just gonna post fliers on telephone poles like, "who wantsta be a hooooooe?!"
you made the house rule that every time you'd say "yay" everyone had to drink.
that explains so much
Randomize
