I didn't notice until this morning that he had a six inch RAT TAIL...
do girls know yet that the best boners are in the morning?
I wonder what gingers are like in bed...as awkward as their hair or just as unique as it...?
The bong broke. we're having a little funeral followed by an inaugeration service for the new one
Hes sobering up now. He was just really bad for like 45 minutes. He cried while he was telling me how he pictured us eating hotdogs on the beach together..
I hurt. I blacked out in a onesie. Reevaluation needs to happen.
this is not real life
it never is. after midnight never counts.
I'm gonna hire strippers dressed like the founding fathers.
The cab driver gave me a church card yesterday and said I should reconnect with god.
Then he gave me 2 tickets to a movie he's going to be in
Apparently I filled my purse with chicken nuggets and told my mom I was a "sexual squirrel."
You were drinking whiskey from a beer bottle i dont know what you really expected...
the only reason I'm still sleeping with him is to get the university's secure wifi password
Is it bad I use my AA meeting to hookup with guys?
I thought I was really making her scream. Turns out she had a Lego jammed in her lower back.
All I'm saying is there better be a bow on your dick for my birthday
Randomize
