just woke up to two already rolled blunts and a full explanation of what happened last night. I love my gf
just got passed by a van of kids watching the little mermaid. debating speeding so i can watch
Didn't u have court just yesterday for ur driving?
IT'S THE LITTLE MERMAID! totally worth another year of probation
I told him he didn't want "flip-flop extraction" on his medical history.
Jeff just maced a waitress...it's way too early for this.
i shall enjoy my approximately 2 hours of being sober today
I just took a shower and I feel like 20 pounds of sex just came off of me.
My kindergarten teacher served me... All coming full circle
Dude, someone broke the toilet seat in two, the is a pair of panties on the kitchen counter, and the entire house smells like a brewery
It's four o'clock and my 60yo aunt's tits have already made an appearance and there is a dildo traveling around the room periodically assaulting family members. Strangely I am thankful.
Next sat night Titanic party. Bring your floaties, trashy necklaces, and a large lung capacity. This ship is going downnnnnnn.
I pulled out moves I did not even know I possessed, our fucking de-throned gods
Carving a pumpkin in a gay bar at 2am. How did my life get to be this way.
There are far too many naked dudes in your apartment, and they aren't even watching porn. I mean seriously, they've got the Lion King on.
FINE. BE CELIBATE AND ACCUMULATE CATS. SEE IF I CARE.
couldn't remember his name. introduced him as 'mr multiple orgasms'
Randomize
