So I just found out that my mom and dad arent married
What? They have three kids?
Yep. And apparently I have a half brother. Happy Birthday to me
i have one hour to talk myself into enjoying giving him a blow job when i get home
I had a pretty decent weekend -- aside from dropping the baby on her head. That.. That I feel bad about.
Tell your boyfriend I'm sorry for ruining his vein. I'm never drawing blood drunk again.
I could end up kidnapped. Or worse, the night will be really awkward.
What is the appropriate way to inform him that I am TOTALLY down for break up sex?
Welp. I just hopped out of his window to avoid meeting his parents... happy monday!
i dont know what was worse.. snorting the wasabi or puking on the neighbors dog
after tonight, seriously nothing could taste better than toothpaste
You're the third person who's asked me for an afternoon blow connection in one day. Unreal.
That's more of a you-issue than a me-issue
Drinking Hot Toddies on the Porch and blasting bob dylans "hurricane" bring it on sandy!
Sometimes I have to make sure these messages are going to you and I'm not about to give someone in my phone book a heart attack.
So I don't know, I'm not a doctor, but I might be juggling dates with 3 different guys...
What part of I just want to watch porn, eat Taco Bell, and masturbate did you not understand?
Get over here and bring your drill!!! The strippers next door need help installing a stripper pole by their pool
Randomize
