Sarah, plain, and tall I adore you
Most awkward thing ever just happened. I was reaching in my purse to get something and a condom fell out into the woman's lap next to me. At least she knows I'm safe.
DUDE DUDE I JUST GOT TH E BEST IDEA FOR A CHILDRENS BOOK "If You Give A Girl A Blow Job"
you're bored at work aren't you?
I'm toying with the idea of beating off under my desk
After she threw up on my floor she started singing "this is why I'm hot."
better yet, through the bookshelves. like an intellectual glory hole
I was high enough to understand and function with 'flip' while playing brick breaker
Damn. I don't think I could ever be that high.
He would only do it doggy style. The "he's probably gay" debate rages on...
I made him go down on me for 40 mins then pretended to pass out. I swear, I'm like a boy.
Thanksgiving Shitshow: My grandparents found me passed out on the bathroom floor wearing nothing but a scarf made of toilet paper
Oh please not the Easy Cheese again. That was weird.
Yeah,I'm just gonna keep fucking other guys til this idiot figures out he loves me.
What kind of true American would I be if I didn't just smoke weed in my bathrobe on my back porch in the middle of suburbia on 4/20? #stepmomoftheyear
You stumbled into the hotel room escorted by security and then went into the bathroom sat by the toilet, threw up for hours while slamming your head on the wall and whimpering "why" over and over.. I went to bed
I think I deserve an award for the breakup text I sent him. Like a pulitzer prize or a donut or something.
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