hook me up with the drugs dog keep up the good work
he said he got tested two months ago... he goes with his whole family.
He fell and asked for a beer and a band-aid.
HE GOT FOURTEEN STICHES
Is there a word for someone who only has sex with NFL prospects?
I'm covered in sharpie and the girl next to me just said something smells like fried food. Hint: it's me. Why am I in class?
We bought a hamster while completely stoned and 2 hours later returned it because your mother wouldnt let you bring it in her house. You cried. a lot.
Master Skywalker, there are too many of them. What am I going to do?
Hit on the one in the red shorts. The thirst is strong with this one.
I am truly sorry that you have to put your dog down. He was a great dog, and a great friend. I am still not showing you my tits.
Is "head down ass up" an appropriate way to say good morning?
Hooray! My email address wasn't leaked by Ashley Madison!
I will chop off your penis
Well in other news, my nipples are healing pretty well but next time I get drunk and decide to pierce something please for the love of god stop me!
Due to this morning's events my new porn name is Reepa Nipplov.
All I want is dick and wine.
All i remember from last night was that i was sitting on the toilet for a good hour eating a philly cheesesteak hotpocket... then i woke up... in my bed.
I'm seriously considering selling my books back early. I don't use them anyways and I could really use the beer money..
Randomize
