okay im going to go eat, shower and find underwear... call if you want.... but ill be listenig to glee VERY loudly.
I think my goal in life now is to be a Trending topic on Twitter after I die.
girl is pretty boring. i'm gonna see if she'll let me finger her.
Made a salesman quit his job, a saleswoman cry, and got a manager to half shout "fuck this"....successful drunk Christmas shopping
The only thing that made me get out of bed this morning was knowing that tonight, I don't plan on remembering what happened today
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
If I get to the point of singing Man of Constant Sorrow then please god let me do it, record it, then cut me off.
He thought you were kidding about me peeing on my ex...and then I was like "that was one time"
I just washed my birth control down with captain because I don't have any water and I need to wash the blood off my face before I leave my room.....
Remember when I said I had my shit together?
You're still my best friend even though you continue to pass out on random toilets every time you drink
The moment you tore my shirt off I knew I wanted to spend the rest of my life with you
Look, all I'm saying is that you're going to be a great Vodka Mom.
Looks like a sea otter shaved my vagina. Keep an eye out for me this weekend, no one can see this.
I'm sorry you had to knock him out on your birthday. But that also means I won the bet that you'd hit someone so you owe me 40. dollars
I'm reading fall out boy fanfic. What has my life come to.
Randomize
