I'm relatively certain my chiropractor just judged me for admitting that my back is misaligned from the sex we had last night...
He insisted on sleeping in my bed. Had he taken all of my obvious hints I would have sucked his dick. He only wanted to snuggle. My world has been turned upside down.
I woke up hugging a loaf of bread and a water bottle this morning
My face left an imprint in the loaf...
Just because we buy weed together doesn't mean were a couple
There were 11 girls in that minivan and everyone was either puking, crying, or yelling "we're a total shit show"
You know summer is almost over when ur school booty calls start hitting u up as if solidifying their spot in drunken mistakes for next semester
Just did a slip and slide down a five story staircase in my dorm. Being an engineer is fucking awesome
Of course the first guy who sees my nipple piercings is a Catholic from Nebraska who won't do anything but dry hump me.
Well, at some point in her life every girl has to decide how much weird she's willing to tolerate for hot tall banker cock
I think I'm at a stage of my life where I subconsciously purposefully fuck everything up just to see if I can find a way out of it.
Today, my weed came in a pokéball. I officially love my dealer.
HELP! I GOT DRUNK IN THE LIVING ROOM AND CANT GET UP UPSTAIRS
Soooooo I may or may not have accidentally been a catalyst in a destroyed marriage.
Well, if you're anything like me you'll get a lot of ass when you turn 30, so that's a plus
Had sex on your trumpet just an fyi.
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