She refers to my dick as princess Sarah... oddly I'm okay with that.
I just had one of those moments where i was really sad that i'll never get to be asian.
Do you ever wonder how many people have prayed for you to be a better person?
I am listening to lecture and I can hear us in the background talking about anal beads.
This makes me miss penis. Not in a horny way... but in a sad, sentimental way.
She kept telling people I wrecked her brain. That high.
He's basically me if I was an 8-yr-old boy. It's like looking into a pudgy terrifying mirror
i made up my own drinking game and i took a secret shot every time someone asked me about school or my future
Nothing says "lifelong friendship" like FaceTiming in a sex shop.
Definitely just realized I wore a shirt that says "building leaders for Christ" to a hookup. Roll tide.
Thanks for bringing me tea/a bucket. You have earned yourself a face touch.
I'm over here willing to be the Yoda of fucking but I guess he just doesn't want to be a Jedi.
Bring me your tired, your weary, your buffalo chicken dip
You seem to be avoiding the poop question. How did you poop on your hand?
Oh well, he'll live. He has a hand and a penis.
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