oh wait, my morality sensor is a little fucked up since I almost let my little sister's friend blow me.
I just remembered yelling "they're gonna let me be a lawyer! Me! Why would they do that?"
We are two peas in an std pod
If someone would have told me in preschool that I was going to do him I would have said no
Our idea of a "deep conversation" was successfully forming complete sentences.
He slapped my ass and his clap-on light turned on.
I had so much stripper lotion and body glitter on my glasses I had a hard time driving home.
You haven't lived until you've thrown up naked in a hotel room in Fargo while holding your breasts so they don't touch the toilet bowl.
Any man who can do squats while fucking you is a man worth keeping.
Can't believe we're making vacation plans with the guy we had a threesome with
Next time I pee on a car, I'll text you.
But actually he solved 40% of my life problems just in one dicking
I'm not going to drink anymore, and on that note I'm not going to drink any less either, so I'll see you there. . .
fucked one of the teachers, librarian job's going great
We’ve got a propane heater on our back porch if you want to come over and eat a McRib in peace
Randomize
