I didnt attack him, I heard I threw a chair at him- big difference. And you know Im not a creep so whatever
Just ran to the store on my way to the office to buy Diet Coke...the guy in front of me let me cut because it was 4 more minutes until 8am, so he wouldn't be able to purchase his vodka. I love Wisconsin
After I talked about my ex for about twenty minutes, she just listened, sluts are so understanding
the quote on the bathroom wall was "stop reading this and focus on peeing" and i realized i'd peed on the seat.
Omg!!!! Call me in the morning I just saw A stripper queef out a dollar
Hahahaha you would not believe what I just pulled out of my vagina. Actually you probably wouldn't be surprised.
i'm about to say screw it and get drunk in the hotel by myself
It's 2 pm, at least sit by the pool...
For only eating leftover pizza for breakfast today, you sure do have a lot to vomit up...
It's an open bar. I'm gonna be gone when you get here.
Text me the address now before you're too drunk to text English.
I want morning sex. We can incorporate maple syrup into it somehow, it'll be fun
You what they say. One dick in the hand is better than two in the bush
I ate shrooms on a frozen river in an ice fishing shack after a day of vics and beer and walked around on the river in a stupor. They made me bite the head off of a fish.
Yeah, I mean I'll probably fuck him regardless but I'm trying to be a lady about it.
No i dont need a babysitter i have my cats. Cats can dial 911 ya know
I just saw elmo dancing with gumby. The bars at 7a.m. are AWESOME.
Randomize
