Should I text him? Life is confusing when you actually like someone instead of just wanting to blow them.
He said he used to draw on the walls with poop when he was a kid.
had to check his id this morning to remember his name.... i was wayy off
We're listening to the crystal method and doing bong hits for jesus
How are you texting me from 1998?
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
It was almost awkward to look at you naked while listening to Circle of Life. Just saying.
Also txt me when you take your first dump of the year... I'd like to synchronize if that's at all possible.
I just found a casserole dish in my oven filled with broken glass, blood, and chopsticks. And the REALLY fucked up thing is that finding it answered more questions than it raised.
Ahh you know it's going to be a long day when you mistake a beer for a sprite at 10:30 in the morning while babysitting
Happy 420. I woke up to a girl smoking weed and dragging me out of bed. Chemistry makes so much sense high.
Okay so the couple who keep propositioning people for threeways are def siblings not bf/gf
So are you gonna do it or no you said they're hot
You yelled "Shame!" like you were that bitch from Game of Thrones and then hit my balls full force with your sports bra
hopefully I won't be diving through a thorn bush to escape an explosion this time
I thought this boy told me to choke him, so I went all in. Turns out he really said “stroke.”
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
Randomize
