Just saw a car with license plate GYPSYS that was full of gypsies
We've got 2 weeks of college left-I want to feel like Gary Busey by graduation.
Also, I'm sewing my entire Halloween costume by hand. I better get laid at every single party I go to.
She wants to practice her harmonica skills on my penis
We built a fire and had sex in the kiddie pool. Then he washed my hair
Strong work
I just woke up tangled in fishing line while wearing someone else's bathing suit with fishes drawn all over me. What kind of sex did we have?
In other news, I apparently ate my retainers while rolling last night.
No, this place just freaks me out. Like I feel like ill get pregnant just being here. And all those pregnant bellies. It's weird.
my cat just photo bombed my nudie.. does this qualify me as a cat lady?
I'm just gonna clean the house so my Mom won't think I'm hung over. I'll just start with the toilet
Just took physics exam. I think this is one of those 'chuck it in the fuck-it bucket and become an art major' days
I gave him a HANDJOB.
But then he finished from a handjob in under two minutes so who's really laughing?
Idk how much of a virgin he is but I'm tryna find out.
Is it weird that I shop for lingerie by thinking if it will look good on both me and your floor?
No. Not at all.
I'm drunk and don't know where I am. There's a giant metal penguin if that helps.
Randomize