Capitaan dildo arrescate!
i left him drunk and in the fetal postion in the shower.
was the water running?
yeah but he said he knows how to swim
Why do fat girls all have such cute faces?
God wants them to get laid too.
wanna hang out tonight and remember it?
I don't think you have the libido for two women at the same time
I think you underestimate the amount of time spent masturbating
I'm going on a nature/throwup walk. Don't lock me out of the apartment.
So you have no knowledge as to why I am hearing loud repetitive mooing from next door?
Well he told me I'd never be a wizard, and so I responded with you'll never have a big penis. After that we both just sat there and cried.
And my cat won't make me food. She's a bitch
I think my whole family judged my ability to change under a blanket.
In a moving vehicle and other people in the car
I'm laying in bed with a case of beer,.. That's how this break up is going..
The thing about being single is like Sunday morning sex is nice but so is Sunday morning eating Nutella from the jar in your underwear
I used an explanation of Walking Marriages in the Mosuo Culture to successfully negotiate an open relationship. That Anthropology degree is finally starting to pay off.
it was awkward when he was taking off my clothes and i had to help him undo my fanny pack
I don't know what she did to me last night, but the scratches on my back indicate that I had sex with a Bengal tiger last night.
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