The girl I brought home was really impressed with the pile of blow you were doing while watching "Intervention."
He made me stop in the middle of giving him a blowjob so he could go get his glasses. because he "wanted to see". I need to stop dating nerds.
I give you the lube, you make me the mac and cheese, that's a pretty fair deal I think.
just got booed by the entire restaurant.
Btw, I'm creating an event on fb to celebrate the one yr anniversary since we went to jail.
Our halfway to Halloween party needs to never happen again. There were waaayy too many wasted cartoon characters passed out in my living room this morning...
see these eyes, they just want to bone and go to sleep.
Well if you're drunk enough to make some mistakes this week I'd be down to redeem myself for my poor performance.
I just ASL-ed someone for the first time since 2002.
oh yeah, there may or may not be a large boa loose in the house when you get home.
So yes we had an orgy last night and I sucked your tits while you fucked my husband but I am weird about sharing my toothbrush.
The minute he showed me his Mumford and sons tattoo is the minute i could literally feel my pussy dry up
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
Sorry about peeing on your phone last night
It's not even noon yet and I just fucked my professor's son in the psych lab..it's gonna be a great day.
Randomize
