yeah she is the one who tells people i beat girls.. which ironically make me want to punch her in the face
I'm drinking margaritas out of a soup mug, of course I'm going to get wasted
I find it ironic that im starting my birth control on mothers day.
You totally left a blue butt print on our banister
Well I think we can all agree that that's better than then bowl of puke I left last time.
So fucked up. Can't tell if I'm starving or about to puke. Playing it safe and eating froot loops. Tasty in, colorful out.
I mass texted 4 of you for a booty call. Please reply all when responding so only one of you shows up. Last one is a rotten egg.
I refrained from asking a guy what he spilled on his dick because it smelled good. Morals.
It's called being normal.
Sockward: that moment during sexytimes when you realize your socks are still on and you have no idea how to remove them in a non-awkward fashion.
A gay dude just spanked me with a nicholas sparks novel and called me foxy. I'm putting this on my resume.
He yelled "Go Ducks" while he came
He still texted me and invited me over a day later so I guess I'm the lovable kind of psycho
Its one of those days... someone might die
Would a picture of my dick help?
I often wonder if we’re introverted extroverts, but I don’t think so. I think we’re just easily tired scumbags
I just put together something from IKEA so that’s mandatory oral for a week.
Having a bangable neighbor is going to ruin my booty call game. I refuse to go across town for dick now
Randomize
