dude wtf did we explode in my microwave last night?
idk but i think it had a face
I may have just googled Muppet Treasure Island drinking game
They asked me to help them shop for lingerie.
Tell them everything looks awful, makes their ass look fat, etc. You'll wreck their self esteem and likely both have sex with you to make themselves feel better.
You're the most understanding sister I could ever ask for.
I'm pretty sure I just overheard my boss call his sperm precious metal...
That doesn't help it make any more sense. Because now you've brought pinata condoms into this.
he's speaking broken english and calling me isaac.. this is not the australian i ordered for a one nighter
Can we put your name for the shipping address for penis ice luge?
I'm approaching homosexuality at an increasingly alarming rate with each break up.
Well I sent him a pic of my vagina and sent back a pic of his puppy....so there's that
can I share that I'd like to fuck him in my new car as a sort of car warming present to myself?
I just busted my piggy bank to afford McDonald's. This is my personal cry for help.
The secret to finals week is to have an orgasm for every point you need on the test before you take it.
I just used a box o wine to refill a bottle o wine to more effectively drunk clean
I just ordered a onesie on amazon in the back of the ambulance while my patient was sleeping. I'm an adult
Come over. We have half a bottle of jumbo champagne left and no boyfriends to slow us down
Randomize
