idk why but i just wanna to have sex with the idea of him. i don't even wanna meet him.
community service is like the breakfast club... except we're all the criminal.
Have you come up with a team name for the beer pong tournament on Saturday?
We can be the stepdads. If anyone asks why say because we beat you and you hate us.
Either way I should probably pregame on the plane
Well it was 11am and we were walking to the market with red cups in our hands yelling NO JUDGEMENT at every car that passed
hotboxing with the ex-bf's two most recent hookups. they just realized they're eskimo sisters with his best friend. this is what happens when I come home for Christmas.
I've been to his house multiple times since that night and I STILL can't find my bra. And he says the hot tub ate my thong.
Apparently fireball doesn't mix well with my no carb diet
No other way to put this but the dick was not worth him crying for an hour after. No more online hookups.
too bad we didn't bet. my 38-1 tears would have made great lubrication for a blow job.
Ugh it's 2016, why can't our bodies just shed fat on their own
I look excited, but its just a facade.
so he'll eat food out of a dumpster but he won't lick your ass?
I went to a swingers party and came home with a boyfriend. I love my life.
he went down on me WHILE i ate BACON PIZZA! best. boyfriend. ever.
Randomize
