Yeah i'm definitely friends with drunk kyle, not sober kyle.
Just talked to the girl you brought home from the bar last night while she was looking for her panties. She said to tell you "nice try".
I lost count of how many people I peed on last night.
That's what you said about that spiderman stripper, but look how that turned out
Im done having sex . he ruined it for me after he said " can we use my penis as a shovel ?"
She's the one that asked you what my favorite color was & handed you a piece of bacon
rolling absolute tits, turn on the red lights for when i get home.
I'm sorry. I just realized our 'big night out' ended up being you driving my high ass to get burritos and back.
hurry up this bar wont let me order big pitchers of beer for just myself
I can't even express how horny I am. The English language isn't equipped for what I'm plotting.
there's an entire drinking game devoted to nobody liking her face
I just opened a pickle jar stoned as fuck. I clapped for myself. I feel like wonder woman.
I would go disguised as someone he didn't have premature ejaculative sex with but I don't know if I could stay in character.
After we had sex he went to the kitchen, came back with a bag of funyuns and ate them buck ass naked in his bedroom doorway. Had no idea how to react to that one.
I woke up an hour ago with orange fingers and a condom stuck to my head.. Wtf just happened?
Randomize
