I really hope your girlfriend didnt have your phone while i texted how much i loved doing it in HER car with you :x
Convinced the bartender that I'm a congressman. Free Drinks. God bless America.
she said we were using the spray butter as air freshener
Sorry really high. We have no lighter so we're lighting the bowl with rolled up paper towels lit by candle which also lit with a rolled up paper towel that we lit with the stove eye
Her thighs are so strong. I thought my head was gonna get crushed when I was eating her out
And then I passed out in my towel and was woken up by my roommate introducing me to her trick for the night.
I'm eating Doritos that I crushed up n put in a cup so I only have to chill minimally.
Youll thank me when youre dead an dont have a cat eating your face
So I deleted all the text from my phone, was looking for my mom's coffee order and show the coffee guy the pic of me eating pussy.
When you're done railing that chick, there is still half a pizza and some ninja turtle mac and cheese down here if you want
Sorry for yelling at you, I'm just really emotional about missing comicon.
Have you ever been so drunk you pass out in the cab and everyone goes inside and forgets about you? I have
I've never had to say don't judge me for chip clips in the shower before
I trusted a fart in Toronto. NEVER TRUST A FART IN TORONTO.
you have 10 seconds to explain why the toilet is full of bread or its ALL GOING ON YOUR BED.
Randomize
