Call me Kermit cause I'm about to go piggin
Is there a zoo near here? I need to see some penguins like right now..
I am not bailing you of of jail
dudes here are drinking wine, and not in the forgivable 'just doing this to get laid' way
They seriously just ended our alcohol presentation by giving us beer cozies. I love college.
Wife passed out. Doing shots with the hot bartender... Don't tell me I don't know how to celebrate a 1yr anniversary
I walked in on you rubbing your nose all over his face while straddling him and yelling "I'M SO SORRY!" repeatedly. I'd say you were in pretty good shape at that point in the night.
Oh thank Jesus fuck for my shitty infertile womb. Crisis averted
Is it frowned upon to bring a flask to the er?
Oh god I want to come home! They have an air raid siren here that alerts their neighbours across the desert it's time to come over on atvs and drink.
got into a verbal altercation with Luke Harangoty last night over a table. Called him a cross-eyed fuck and got the table.
I think I just did my first walk of shame. He sent me home with a watermelon from his farm. Southern one night stands.
It's been awhile, you pregnant yet?
Fuck it, if you can't drink cheep beer and whiskey with me, I don't want you.
sex on a bike is impossible
challenge accepted
you started putting peanut butter on your pubes.
Randomize
