I woke up fully clothed on top of my sheets and i didnt even pee myself..so proud.
know what turns me on? long, stringy hair on a pasty looking girl with an overstuffed backpack and kneepads over her jeans in case she falls off her scooter
your less of a man for seeing that
Sober January is a disaster.
headbutted the bartender, tried to bite the bouncer, and pissed on a cops shoes. and i still got laid. god, it's good to be home
Interesting preview of what next year will be like. Side note, missing a chunk of flesh from my middle finger.
You broke a cabinet. You were climbing up it and it collapsed on you. Lines were crossed.
Jumped in the kebab van and said he was Ultimate MasterChef. Incurred wrath of six angry Turks. I got free chips.
And dont forget my 23rd birthday where with no underwear i crawled through the cage of the police car. Dont get drunk be fore you get drunk.
I'm surprised I haven't crapped out a leprechaun, I'm so hungover
The whorange rubbed off. His white shirt was so gross at the end of the night I told him to frame it.
If I'm not drunk and wearing a penguin hat by the time we are done opening Christmas presents then coming home for Christmas was a complete failure
Don't worry, I'm sure your thrusting skills are on point.
He literally shoved the EMT, climbed in the back of the ambulance with his vodka and was like, "C'mon, people. Wrap this up. I got shit to do."
How do you say happy birthday to someone you fuck occasionally that almost got you arrested? Like what do I text.
annnnd thats why you don't tip your waiter by flashing them
Randomize
