So tell me more about the cum that came out of your nose
If I was on drugs, this would be amazing
we have officially mastered the walk of shame
The old saying is "its not the size of the boat-- but the motion of the ocean" is obviously for those on the "Small side." I am of the belief that "You can't churn butter with a toothpick"
Some dude at the gas station right now is buying a 30 rack of beast and a can of cat food. Happy Thanksgiving.
I only knew it was midnight because i got happy new years texts while i puked outside
I wish you could buy pregnancy test at the liquor store, it's the only place I feel comfortable being a disgrace because I know they understand why it happened...
They're like penises that have been put in a blender.
Apparently I made a stripper cry last night when I paid her $10 to go away
Emergency nipple ring removal:vodka, tweezers, and vodka. Can you bring me a band-aid?
don't worry i won't let him get attached. I put on my Hulk onesie after sex and yelled I SMASHED YOU. never seen a guy looked so confused.
I just added Tubthumping to the playlist for tonight. This is going to make or break the party.
I don't know where I keep finding these guys, but mi power bottoms es su power bottoms.
Safe to say we should stock up on nipple bandaids ladies
You told me you didn't want to go to the hospital because you were drunk, but because you didn't want to leave the "fun".
Randomize
