I got drunk at the beach today. I got the word Badass! tatooed all the way across my foot. Probably a bad idea.
Oh and ps....i was sleeping soundly until i woke up by the sound of amy on the phone with her mom sobbing hysterically because she can't stop having the shits.
Mom is telling us about the time she drank her own breast milk. Help.
I used a physics textbook to prop her up so she wouldn't choke on her vomit...see I have learned something from statics class.
i feel like everytime i say im going to quit drinking someone comes along with a better idea about drinking
Ask if he wants his tooth back. It's in the freezer. In the box of hotpockets.
We need to go to the store an get depends. I really don't want to be bothered with the bathroom this weekend.
The whole time we were fucking I kept thinking, "My dad would love this cologne. I'll have to ask him where he got it." the highlight of the night is that I figured out my dad's birthday gift.
Although I feel like awkward kinda describes your entire sexual history...
You kept saying you only wanted to drink until you were sleepy. You succeeded if "sleepy" means you sleepied around with 4/6 of the guys there.
I just shit my pants and had a heart attack. Simultaneously. May or may not be related to this game.
me and him got disney princess makeovers at disneyworld. this is why gay guys make the best friends.
I just wish the first erections of my life didn't take place at a dentists office but hey whatever I turned out alright
Of two things I'm absolutely sure: 1. I only took 2 hits off that joint and 2. I definitely ran over hedwig on the way home
So I figured it out. There's two types of shitters. Moaners and grunters. And on occasion there's a third. It's the ill fabled grunt moaner.
Randomize
