remember that night jesus turned water into wine? DRUNKER.
So I used to make fun of texas a lot, then I got here and I found a place where I could get my tequila in a to go cup with a straw and I realized that this is the only place I ever want to be
I can't belive they dont sell booze Sunday mornings. I mean some of us have to work
just found more coke in my pocket. i love not washing my jeans after every individual use.
the bouncer made me realize that puking in line does not get you in any faster
You woke up in the middle of the night and told me we won the sweepstakes, the penis sweepstakes.
i walked toward the cop car thinking it was the liquor store lights nd by that time it was too late to escape the trap
I just had to blow my nose on a mcdonalds receipt in my car. Its time to stop doing coke.
I'll bring the barf blanket just in case.
I think I might stay on campus instead of going home for thanksgiving and see how many townies I can hook up with and no one will be around to judge
she was wide awake when they drew a treasure map on her face the she passed out and they played like 7 games of tic tac toe haaa how was your new years
What kind of a birthday party isn't a get drunk and ruin everything party
I SHOULD NOT BE HAVING AN EXISTENTIAL CRISIS OVER PIZZA
"Nobody needs to know that I have a vibrating butt plug and nobody needs to know that I'm probably gonna start wearing it at work"
I wanna print it out and hang it on the fridge like parents do with good report cards.
oh the joys of a picture of a negative pregnancy test
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