I don't do stupid things anymore. I do stupid people.
shes got a really nice body. but her face is eh.
you dont need a face to have sex
i seriously just saw a stripper from last weekend walk into the classroom next to me!!
I just realized I used lady gaga lyrics in my research paper on marie antoinette
First of all...stop making excuses. Second of all...Fuck the surgeon generals warning
Package from mother. Contents: Cookies, my old pokemon cards, and condoms. Note: "These have a July 2010 expiration date so give them away or use them with a gal that would be a great daughter in law. Love Mom" Love you too momma
i think i had to give the cab driver my id to get home last night because i couldnt talk.
Alright, my brain isn't sure how to properly function on a Wednesday with no hangover and more than 3 hours of sleep.
Drank a fosters this weekend and last weekend. Listening to down under 5 times a day. Spent 100 dollars on a sleeveless men at work shirt circa 1983. We don't leave for another 5 weeks. I call it pregaming.
After a little too much, I decided public urination was a constitutional right.. Nearly got deported for that one
Look, sometimes you have to snapchat a topless photo of yourself in the middle of class just to prove you can. I can and I did. End of argument.
He tried to tell me that that stripper was his aunt..
It's rum buckets o'clock
Woke up this morning with fake blood all over my bed which is a positive considering last year it was all real blood
Bottom line; if I'm coming out of my bat cave to do the dishes and get a chicken wing and I have no pants or makeup on and my messy bun looks more like Santa got leprosy and crashed his sled into the back of my head then let me be. That's all I'm saying.
Randomize
