I think we need to take a brake
What upsets me the most about that is that you spelt it 'brake'
My Higher Power is John Stamos
tonight is going to be epic. can you pre-book an ambulance?
She agreed that we could have sex whenever I wanted and I could let someone else meet my mom.
She was stumbling around looking for her cat. She said i could help, but i had to call him by his jungle name
I want to take my head off and cuddle with it
Maybe it will forgive me and stop being an asshole
Does he cat effect his dick pics to you? Because THAT is true love
i woke up and found a picture of his grandma in my purse.. im a kelpto
Mistakes were made. Hot mistakes that I want to make again. But tapping your employee is def a mistake. Esp in front of two other employees.
Everyone is out there getting real jobs and I just realized I've been "washing" my clothes with fabric softener for two months.
Every time I burp I plan an escape route because I'm scared I'm gonna puke on grandma
moral of the story: if your going to mix ambien and free skyclub alcohol, take a direct flight or have a layover in a city you wouldn't mind having to return to for a court date.
Saw your dad at the bar last night... And again this morning when he left. Told you not to mess with me bitch.
saw a family tailgating a graduation with hard liquor... i'm assuming yours?
are you shitting me? they told me they'd at least wait until 10am
dude pick up your phone
i cant. im high and theres a wild turkey in my backyard. wouldnt miss this moment for anything
Randomize