a woman just threw her tv out the window while screaming "will you fucking work now?". i'm never moving
he was on top of me and all of a sudden stopped and starting picking his nose...i asked him if he was okay, he sort of looked confused, and he told me he had a booger that hurt. guess its a good thing i wasnt planning on dating this guy
I thought all girls wanted is to get a boner
you want to re-phrase that?
All I wanted to tell you is that I fucked a guy covered in fake blood, who circumcised himself.
Yeah Greg found him eating out of a tuna can with a pill cap
So im guessing you dont remember the walk home, where you layed down in the alley and began to sing "threes company too" and when i told you to get up you had the nerve to tell me i was to drunk.
What people don't tell you about near death experiences is they give you a full on chub
Lets just make a point system, like if we have sex add a point, if they leave after take away a point, if they stay all fucking day take away a point
You tried to pay for our cab with the 2 dollars you got from selling your natty ice outside the strip club.
I just need to stop hanging out with girls who drink wine coolers.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
Napping in front of family members can be embarrassing when you get a christmas boner in your sleep
Fuck that guy and his dumb haircut and awesome dick
not that im pissed, but why are there two naked chicks in my bed?
FACT: You were laying down on top the bar letting randoms do bodyshots off you until someone told theyre friend "its time to roll, i wanna hit another bar" and you literally rolled your self right off the bar. have fun explaining your bruises tomorrow
Randomize
