Your date looks like the Cloverfield monster. good luck.
I guess there's a 50 percent chance that it was her that wet my bed.
CONFIRMATION: i wiki searched it and Justin Bieber is 15 not 13. so i dont feel like as much of a pedofile now....
smell my finger.
yeah, and then after the convo was clearly over, my dad decides to scream "SIZE MATTERS" just to make things even more uncomfortable.
I just can't bring boyfriends home.
Thanks for not cleaning the drain like you were supposed to. I just vomited in the shower and I had to stand in it until I was done conditioning.
Dude he's the best wing man ever. He starts creepin' on a woman, and she clings on to you out of fear.
Every time I someone I meet again from that wedding it turns into the "Oh your the guy who puked in the hallway and passed out in front of the elevator."
So some drunk guy just tried to convince me with all of his passion that bacon is a color
You've never felt ridiculous until you've walked through downtown in a Viking costume
Okay so it turns out that my bf keeps a log of every time I sleep-fart. It's dated back to 2013.
The zoom feature on snap chat videos is the worst thing to ever happen to sexting
Sooooooo this guy just asked me if I'd be interested in a threesome... I'm considering bc I would get to hang out with his dog afterwards.
The 666th photo in my phone is of him and if that's not a sign that he's secretly the Antichrist, idk what is. Also, bring more rum.
just saw those girls we met the other night. i happen to be wearing a bunny suit and driving your smart car. i think its safe to say thats a no go situation.
Randomize