someone owes me an orgasm
I just put on my hot pinky lace thong... you know what that means! ;)
Oh god. Slutty you is on the run. Someone needs to alert the city.
you puked out of a dead sleep and didnt wake up
The guy I fucked last night is well worth up the ass tuition. I just wish I could tell dad thanks!
I'm drinking Leinenkugel through a Red Vine. I'm not drunk. I'm just happy with my life so far.
Apparently I yelled "no stop it" in my sleep last night when he tried to cuddle with me.
Oops, guess its official. I just use him for sex.
I will never understand why the dress to get laid party is always scheduled to be during family weekend. Its not even ironically funny.
That stripper was not happy when I tried putting a dollar in her court mandated ankle bracket/tracking device
The guy at the bar repeatedly told us he was an off duty cop from out of town, that to normal people would be the time where you stop asking him to smoke a blunt with us
You see it tends to piss fathers off when they find their daughter in the arms of a shirtless guy that neither he nor his daughter knows.
Try explaining "the nature of your relationship" to a cop when your fuck buddy vandalized your car. Priceless.
There are Vine videos that have lasted longer than he did
You having your own car has severely reduced the amount of blowjobs I get.
I'm bringing home frosties. I need to talk about butt stuff.
dude can you explain to me why i woke up on your sisters floor with moutain dew and chips everywhere
i dont know im at your house.
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