she lunged for my junk like it was the cure for swine flu
you know what would be great? if dirt tasted like steak and could get you drunk.
we used that portable toilet as a cooler to keep coronas. next person who tells me hospitals arn't fun needs to come party in rm 180.
she is graduated, working for the school, and puking in the bathroom of a frat house. she wants brush her hair so she doesnt "look trashy". im in love.
I just got fire extinguished by his roommate while we were having sex. That's just taking cock blocking to a whole new level.
her and i fucked to a michael jackson song and she had it memorized so she squealed every time he did
I think it might be brain cancer. Hangovers can't be this bad
Dude he's your dog he doesn't love me more than you. I'm just like that cool uncle that takes him to burger king and to see girls.
I'm glad we are bonding over both contracting clamidya. Winners.
100%
also, just kill me. literally hit me with a vehicle, or an aircraft, something that will ultimately make me forget tonight.
pro-tip: weed infused snickerdoodles are far less conspicuous to eat at work than brownies. no one ever suspects the snickerdoodle.
Lets have the type of night where its 5am and one of us has definitely punched someone who has been on a Disney Channel show.
My suggestion is that you just get high and set shit on fire
I'm sorry about all of the innappropriate shoe throwing
My ex's girlfriend just invited me clubbing. Guess who won the breakup?
Randomize
