That girl would be way hotter if she changed her face.
Just ate lunch with a paperclip again. Seriously, need to invest in plastic forks.
Next time we go to the river, we nominate you to flash people for free booze. Your tits are the biggest.
he convinced the breakfast vendor to melt twix bars on bacon for me at 4am. he slurred every word. i think i found my prince charming.
I just saw an appointment in my phone called "it's been a month" I think I drunkly did that after I slept with Paul to remind myself to check if I got knocked up... I'm smarter drunk than sober.
We're doing it in the traditional way of discussing why we dislike each other while sharing a bowl. Just like the natives do.
Do you think you're physically and mentally capable of killing me? Because I'd really appreciate it.
At least his std test came back clean, gotta look at the positives here
I don't know man. She said my cock made her promises my heart couldn't fulfill.
I was on tinder the whole time I was waiting for my pregnancy test results at the doctors.
I was so drunk I got stuck in the middle of a revolving door
My vagina still hurts from yesterday. That's the last time I think riding a mop bucket is a good idea. Don't let me do that again
Do not ever chug tabasco sauce.
Left him blackout in the cab, gave 20$ to the cabbie and said drive until the meter said he wasn't getting a tip.
Bangkok has him now.
Something in me snapped and now I’m just googling famous vegans.
Randomize
