I swear my cock just shook it's head disapprovingly at me.
Somewhere along the night we ended up at a food lion giving jello shots to high school girls.
I pretty much have hash tequila and gelato for dinner every night
Woke up with his dick on the side of my face, it's like he passed out mid-mushroom stamp.
Don't talk about his dick. That's mine. There's a copyright on it. Use with permission
damn. i can't believe how fast that went from 0 to lesbian
Yea. I couldn't get a job in fast food but I can teach Americas youth. The future looks great
Idk every story shes told me thats started with "back when i was a lesbian" has been my new favorite story
You better be Eskimo Brother-ing the FUCK out of tonight right now. Long distance 'balls deep' high five
I just want to have beer shits in my own bathroom. Is that too much to ask for?
Duuuuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fruuuuuuuuck. and by that i mean fuuuck
Also this time, I didn't have a random creepy guy come up from behind me, grab my junk, and whisper "where's the cocaine?" in my ear. So that's also a win.
I'm sorry I tried to spit drugs down your throat like a baby bird last night.
Why does 10AM Spanish always turn into a discussion about my sex life?
not being a booty call is very strange. Who knew there was so much time for activities at night!
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