She told me she's going to buy a projector so she can watch porn on her ceiling...I'm telling you man this chick is going places
Yeah he's definitely gonna feel that one when he wakes up. I beat the shit out of him with that broom handle.
I'm confused as to why I have a picture of your boobs in response to a photo of my father
I'm thinking about slathering myself with peanut butter and going to the dog park. What's the worst that could happen?
Scary truckers and hobos. These are the men I attract
I just farted and its sounded like it was disappointed in me.
Guess whose hungry like a hippo: this bitch.
They just keep looking funny at me. No one has attempted to tell me that I don't make sense though so maybe they're all way more high than I am.
Shouting "one vagina to rule them all" was probably not the best way to meet our best mates fiance
Well my grandma put the turkey in the oven for 4 hours and didn't have the oven on.
I'm gay. Congratulations to whoever had January 2014 in their pool.
Yes but I said "let's get a dog" not a drunk human so some rules will be established this evening
Not only do I have a well-defined bite mark on my arm, but I also have a perfectly clear bruise of a handprint wrapped around my arm like a tribal tattoo. Thoughts on how that happened?
im so drunk that this cat is mothering me. aggressively
When I woke up I was spooning with a block of cheese. Like, cuddling. Me and the cheese we nestling...
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