Just got a citation from campus security for an "accordion disturbance."
The tent wall coming unstaked in the wind and hitting me in the face really sobered me up
My dad just decided to play wingman for me... I dont want to let the family down... but both these girls are hideous
I am too drunk to deal with your everything. Reread this everytime you feel the need to talk to me.
I'll just be here. Naked. Eating tots and jello like a muh fuggin G
You is good. You is important. You is a slut.
Good morning! So would you prefer me to show up kind of late or on time but looking like I got chewed up and spat out by an episode of Buffy the Vampire Slayer?
I just explained my sex life to the "if you give a moose a muffin" book... Is that weird?
On the way home there was a guy passed out IN the road on Colfax with his pants around his ankles, completely bare assed. If he was dressed as a speed bump, he succeeded.
Tequila ran out around 11 so she let them do body shots of chips and guacamole instead
I imagine it like the scene in Sorceror's Stone, but instead of flying keys, it's flying dicks.
That is a dream.
He sends me pictures of his dogs and I send him my tits, it's a win win situation
It's not even 7 yet. She's singing you are my sunshine to the smirnoff bottle.
I'm like a bad decision making factory. I need to sit down and have a chat with my decision making elves.
I feel like the physical embodiment of the pot leaf eyes smiley face
Randomize
