Just found out that wake n bake is not one of the 7 habits of highly effective people..
my brother wants to know why there are wet balloons in his bed and i think you forgot to throw the condoms away but im too hungover to check if thats what hes talking about
as I was walking out the door her and her roommate started singing "toot it and boot it".. I'm in love
I feel like his dick looks like a decorative autumn squash.
This reunion sucks. All the confident hot girls from high school are still confident and hot, and none of the fat girls with low self esteem transformed into hot girls with low self esteem.
This cabbie knows where I live. Both awesome and weird.
At my eighteen year old cousin's wedding. Getting hit on by a 9 year old. No one knows who he came with. I'm pretty sure he just showed up from the field behind the church. Help.
Bro, she said my penis was the best thing to happen to her mouth since teeth.
I heard the bride mutter "I should have brought a fucking tranquilizer". I'm not at all surprised that you got banned from the bar afterwards.
My dream date: Hotdogs/nachos from the bar & tequila. Is that too much to ask?
If you find my integrity anywhere, please tell it to come back home
He is a beautiful butterfly covered in tattoos and naked.
I fucked a French man last night. 5 Times. Ashed my cig in his cactus. That later set on fire while we were having sex.
He wanted to take me to breakfast in the morning. He told me he respects me after I said no. I told him to respect me at a distance.
What part of “the stripper has a gun, we need to leave” is confusing you? She’s drunk, she’s fucking crazy and NOW SHE’S PACKING HEAT!
Randomize
