Dude we need to petition the city about running buses later, none of my booty calls own cars
Just saw a woman with a Pomeranian in her bra. Way to step up your game Seattle.
I couldn't open my car door and for a second I thought they were taking me to an intervention circle.
All the girls at the party had American flag thongs on... Pretty impressed with coordination seeing as how impromptu this event was
We are taking shots off of spoons and listening to Mary Poppins.
One of my coworkers just invited me to a wet t-shirt contest this weekend in honor of her son's 21st Birthday.
I'm currently day drinking, studying and making corn. Don't tell me what I can't do.
For the first time ever I'll be using my lunch break to pass out cold on my desk. We've gotta stop having these late night drinking things on Sundays
I worked so hard to shave everything last night. EVERYTHING. He WILL be answering my phone calls. Otherwise he's passing up awesome random birthday sex.
i wasnt laughing because you were puking, i was laughing because three yards away there was a couple seriously getting it on
continuing my moment killer tradition in the best possible way
The cleaning lady even cleaned my bong. I'm scared to open my sex toy drawer and see if and how she organized it
We were in the middle of a serious discussion about social justice and he pulled sequins out of his teeth and kept talking like nothing had happened.
it was like fucking a Mumford & Sons song
Never should have deleted her from my facebook. My new girl is so much hotter than she is, I just want to passive aggressively rub it in her face
the people next to us at the red light cheered for you while you puked out the window...
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