if i wake u up at 5am tmrw by coming into ur room wearing nothing but my indiana jones hat and purple socks while singing 'courtesy of the red white + blue' will u be pleased or annoyed
keep in mind this isn't open to negotiation, i'm just trying to gauge ur reaction
I'm more picky about my flip flops than the guys I sleep with
"Take a picture of me motorboating molly" was probably not my best career move
Spent the last thirty minutes staring at the wall with Leah. It's definitly moving
he made a joke about you fucking his daughter...i think youre golden
You drunk dialed me and told me to jump out of my second story window so I could give you head. I almost considered it.
I am too hungover to address any of this right now, every time i move it feels like i'm being bitch slapped by the hand of God
just go where the car takes you. fingers crossed its here with breakfast.
After seeing all of the pics during the trial, all I could think was "her vagina doesn't look THAT dangerous"
Because nothing screams stable like yelling at a guy in a bar because last time you hooked up he stole your underwear.
I am not getting you a goat.
Fair enough. I am not going out with you. The goat was not negotiable.
I still can't believe I was army crawling thru his backyard at 2am..
I just loudly threatened to kill a self checkout machine
He was the perfect gentleman on our first date. Took me out for candlelit dinner at a fancy restaurant, held open the door, walked me home, and made me cum three times before he got his.
I kept falling all over the place and yelled at the bouncer you can't kick me out I'm from Texas.
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