i have your red jacket for some reason. and a good deal of shame and embarasment. note to self, wear underwear when you wear a dress. also, i was electrocuted last night. dont ask how.
I feel like this woman may give her husband a hand job mid way through dinner. just saying.
how can i change my meal plan to a keystone plan?
you gave the police officer your chanel wallet and said 'just keep it the i.d. is fake too'.
Well I'm glad to hear the fight wasnt over his small dick.
I am dressing up to go buy weed. I need to get out more.
... I threw up in the shower this morning
You were "I'm not drunk" drunk.
I was feeling sad so bedroom vodka seemed like the best solution at the time.
And as cleavage season comes to a close, so blooms a new season of yoga pants. And the people rejoiced.
Lab coat again saves the day - hiding embarrassing shart evidence...
i'm hungover but need to study so i had a vodka orange juice, three ibuprofen and an adderall for breakfast. what up med school
I'm basically your average "grandpa stuck in a 28 year old woman's body" - i'm super passionate about retirement and crossing on the walk signal.
and SLEEP god I love sleep
I hate how much more visible my vomit is on snow, I need a winter vomit bush
Explain to me again why I'm doing the walk of shame if we fucked at my house?
She drank my rum. I had sex in her bed and didn't wash the sheets. We're even.
My last one night stand called me today. Apparently I gave him a yeast infection in his mouth. Not sure how I should feel about this.
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