This is God's way of telling me He loves me and wants me to be a cocktease.
Go forth my daughter and give blue balls to all who may gaze upon your tits.
omg I just had an epiphany about why I grew into such a whore....
HAVE YOU EVER NOTICED WHAT THE SPICE GIRLS USED TO WEAR?!? those were my idols, I never stood a chance
In case you're keeping score at home, this is Brad's SECOND Doritos-related trip to the ER.
I'll answer your question with a question: Are you gonna be too high?
Have you seen our bachelor? He's MIA. Last seen being led to some hookers by Kanye look-a-like.
Some toppless girl just walked past me in the hall and gave me half a carton of smokes. I have never been more aroused.
Just got offered bathroom sex. I've never been more flattered.
Apparently I was having great conversation with this 48 year old on grindr & he was concerned as to how I was getting home.
It's all fun and games until your in the alumni campus center puking on the floor
Is this a Beer, Vodka or Whiskey kind of problem solving night? It's imperative I stock accordingly.
Questions like that are why I love you.
I wish I could say this wasn't the first time I shit myself in a Piggly Wiggly.
thank god my bra was in my purse... were all good
He couldn’t find my clit with a map. Literally. I drew him a map.
.......do you have the salami in bed? I'm trying to make a sandwich.
Fucker was flying a Bruins flag. He can pick up the dog's poop himself.
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