Let's make love on the newspapers that declare financial doomsday
at one point last night, you were literally auctioning me off. "reeeally drunk hot girl ! we'll start the bidding at an ice cold corona. oh, we have a bidder! do i hear a shot of whiskey? going once, going twice.."
youre welcome
I don't want to smoke with her when she's on adderall. She carved her pumpkin for four hours & didn't say a word.
My corndog is like a popsicle of bread. A WHOLE. POPSICLE. OF BREAD.
I found a tip from a dart in my bra this morning
Woke up in the front yard with a chalupa and a firecracker in my back pocket. It's what the founding fathers would want
I've gotta stop getting kicked out of bars for fighting with people over the accuracy of the Harry Potter movie.
My text message history should be ashamed of itself right now.
He's trying to marry me, when is the appropriate time to tell him my real name and that Dallas is a completely fictitious slutty alter ego? I need the advice of someone with morals.
I don't wanna be gay for a night.
I think it would be worth it for free alcohol.
If I drank a glass of water for every drink I had I'd die of water intoxication like some tweaked out looser at a rave
Do you ever actually plan things? Or is it always drugs then whatever happens? I'm considering being worried about you
I JUST WATCHED PAULA DEEN PUT BUTTER IN HER BLOODY MARY. This is not a drill. Real life.
I came home braless and wearing a tail....
Eat, nap, & pace yourself. Words to live by.
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