margs and chips and queso make the world go round
well and inertia
Would it be horrible to send my ex's girlfriend an email telling her that I sexed her man up so dirty that he fell asleep inside of me afterwards?
gettin pulled by a cop with a camera crew. gonna flee. want my 15 min of fame on cops.
the only reason why im excited to go home for break is to finally eat real fucking food and have normal bowel movements.
Well I woke up with spatula marks on my ass and burns on my hands.
And then she apologized after the blow job for being too sick to deep throat. I'm in love..
She just licked her nipple in public to get a free bar tab.
I had something called a trashcan. Never again. I almost fucked chewbacca.
It's hot as dicks out. Lets get drunk on the roof and make pterodactyl sounds at people.
Theyll love you, its bunch of older ladies who drink whisky and sours and talk about the sex seans in Game of Throwns
How many times have you told me to call 911 this week?
Lol twice
No, Ethan, handcuffs and friendship bracelets are not "basically" the same thing.
Did I fall last night?
I wouldn't call it falling as much as you tried to lay on the sidewalk and proceeded to hit it face first.
I'm not fucking you with a Stormtrooper helmet on!
The people at Perkins seem so judgemental. Big deal if i'm handcuffed to stripper in a star-n-stripes bikini. We still gotta eat.
Randomize
