I hate this i feel like im wasting my youth here. I should be off hooking up with boys around the world and having awkward next morning convos in different languages!!
is it trashy that while he was throwing up in the bathroom, i was hooking up with his childhood best friend?
he breathalyzed me before we had sex.
the last thing i remember is unlocking the door. its like i was literally opening the door to my blackout
10 dollar pizza all the toppings you want. Wait Until You See This Pizza
2 am we went back to his house. his mom handed us beers and cooked us pancakes. the next morning his dad had washed my car. i lied. living at home after college definitely does not suck.
you just kept bragging about how there was a "pretty large" chance that you had pooped on the same toilet as George Clooney
I need to do something profound in the next three and a half years so that when my kids ask what I did in my twenties I have something to say other than "made bad decisions"
Just watched a deer get gangbanged in my front yard by 5 bucks. Wtf animal kingdom
It's a good cause. For your vagina.
I opened a bud lite with a fencing sword last night. Yeah you banged that guy.
He got in a fight. Then called me drunk to see if he should bail his friends out, or walk through a Taco Bell drive-thru. True love.
I'm so sad at the lack of dick in my life I am going to get sauced and make rice krispy treats
Listen, some people have dreams, some people just want to cock slap a kangaroo
Maybe life is about finding the person you DO want to cuddle with after they rail you like a porn star
Randomize
