just survived the first fart of the relationship.
saw a man at the beach in a red speedo. when he rolled over he unintentionally displayed a HUGE skid mark.
Just threw up in airport security. Happy holidays.
I refuse to have another spring break doomed by pregnancy.
5am is far to early to be on jagerbomb number 6 right now
Come back. She's looking through naked pics of his exes on his phone and questioning him about them and I'm too drunk to walk away.
His penis could choke an elephant. A baby elephant... But an elephant non the less.
When was the last time you wore pants?
Time is relative.
And pants are optional.
Well that's what you get for messing around with her vagina. I told you it was a fickle and insatiable creature.
I'm so cold without your freakishly high body temperature
that's the equivalent to a normal girlfriends. 'I miss you' btw
Peanut butter and whiskey is not a dinner
your penis is a great and majestic leader among the penises.
I got the security footage. Thank you boobies!
We didn't get home until 4 am. Her mom let us in, confessed that she had sex with someone she worked with and said he had a small penis. I love this family.
Damn, I just did coke with a dude in a bathroom and after he took his dick out right in front of me and took a piss. What a power move.
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