I feel like a panda just shit rainbows on my mind
ya ever know whats down there. always send some fingers in first to scout the situation. fingers are not used for pleasure. they're used for covert missions.
My carpet still smells like piss and I THINK YOU KNOW WHY.
So apparently when I roll on X I find 'dick ina box' not only hilarious but also sexually arousing.
I woke up to him eating me out, listening to classical music.
And "sexual slave/chef" was as it turns out not a real career choice...
I have stripper ass cheeks all over my glasses
It really went downhill when you started writing IOU on pieces of napkins. Giving them to the strippers
Real life dumb and dumber
I fucked in the bathroom while everyone listened and banged my dick against a table shouting "order in the court"
He said it wasn't ladylike of me to drink more whiskey than him. I told him to stop being a little bitch.
You FaceTimed your mom in the back of the limo telling her how many guys you hooked up with at the concert
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
i would stab him if he didn't just tell me he is a priest
Better not shit yourself at the gym.
I may or may not have just had sex in the bed of a pick-up at a drive-in movie theater.
Randomize
