guess who just spent driver's ed figuring out how to draw a guy giving head
I'm so tired of dating women who lie about their age. You show up feeling like you need to follow them around with a dust pan and a broom.
I'm eating my dinosaur chicken nuggets in the order they would die in the food chain.
i love beer. I convinced myself that I'm going to ace the exam tomorrow. I can't even do that when I actually study.
After she came with my hands around her neck, she sat there for a minute and gave me the scuba diving sign for a-ok.
I'm buying drugs in the library...And it's not even finals time. What has my life become?
Can we play rock paper scissor shot again? I want to black out in 15 minutes or less...
Yea he doesn't really know about any of this yet but my game plan is to keep wowing him with my vagina and cooking skills. It's up too future me to handle the rest.
I need to think of the best way to tell this boy he's not getting his pants back
I was woken up at 6 am by a second grader trying to give me a sweatshirt for a pillow
Was having the best sex dream I've had in a while and only woke up when I heard my grandma fall down the stairs.
Crying while listening to Miley Cyrus. BE GLAD YOU JUMPED THIS SINKING SHIP!
This is like a walk of shame down memory lane.
This is a weird combination of planning and sexting but whatever
So my step mom just informed me she tells stories about me at work as a form of birth control for the girls that work there, not sure if i should be offended or proud.
Randomize
