Her sister's ass was worth my getting thrown out of the house.
Grilled cheese is the best thing. ever. better than boys, and alcohol, and sex, and chocolate, and money. But not really the last two.
Dear yesterdays makeup, Thank you for always being there when I stay up late binge drinking on weeknights and am running late to work Friday morning. You're the best.
They peed on our pledges last night... i dont know if i should put an lol at the end of that or not
I woke up on a raft in a bath tub filled with beer. excellent night.
Awkward moment #23: reasuring mom that the bf and I aren't having sex as seamen is running down my leg...
I puked in the revolving door and had to sit down on the escalator. That hungover. It's safe to say people are judging me.
That's so unfortunate for him bc you can always find another penis, but he's stuck with it
Just spent 15 minutes trying to save the life of a fruit fly that dive-bombed my coffee. I figured it doesn't make sense to let two souls die in this place...
He ate me out on the kitchen floor while we waited for the cake to bake. How was your Valentines Day?
Reached a new low last night. Passed out. With my pants down. On the toilet. At ihop. Waitress had to wake me up.
So doing the math I dated almost 2 of me in penises. Like, if I you layed them out lengthwise it would be 2 times my height.
Your birthday is now over. Your day in the spotlight has dimmed and now you're as special as everyone else. The world goes back to revolving around me. Good night.
I look like a hot mess, emphasis on the hot now, more emphasis on the mess later
hotelroom bed is big enough to masturbate in, but small enough to not want to sleep in it after you've masturbated in it
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