He passed out mid-signature
halloween is SO much better on drugs, why didn't anyone let us know about this when we were kids
If you didn't damage your room so much from fucking so hard we would have got more of our security deposit back
I resent that
Its important to me that you know there is a tambourine down my pants.
We where late for the party because we spent the last hour staring at a towl becase we thought it was a raccoon
After I was arrested and in the back of the squad, she lit a cig. I politely stuck my head through the glass opening and asked for a drag. She instantly slammed my head back, blew smoke at me and shut the glass. My view on state trooper chicks is forever tainted.
Hey mom, soo do we have a family lawyer or am I on my own for that?
If throwing a bottle across the bar, hitting a skank in the head and not getting caught was an Olympic event, you'd bring merica the gold every time
this could be the second dad I've smoked weed with
OH MY GOD! I CAN FEEL A PULSE IN MY BALLS IT HURTS! ITS LIKE MINI FEMINIST NINJAS ARE ATTACKING MY BALLS!!!
I convinced a German girl that I was born while my mom was water skiing and I preceded to barefoot ski behind her via the umbilical cord...
What is my life coming to that I have to cross state lines to get laid?
He used pronouns for his penis while sexting. I don't know what I did to deserve this.
I wish there were more things in this world as wonderful as string cheese
Surriously
she is currently in the shower drinking a beer and dancing to a song called "the penis song" my roommate is cooler than yours
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