it's like there's an entire ecosystem in your vagina.
he told me he saved a turtle in the middle of the road.. i told him id be over in ten minutes...i mean he deserves a bj after that.
you kept saying 'its nothing a six pack wont fix' as they loaded you into the ambulance.
At least drunk you showered before switching sex partners last night.
Of course, you get to fuck all night while I'm stuck in the girls bathroom sucking a limp dick for coke
I had no where to run... The dumpster sounded like a good idea at the time
My last google search of the night was "Things that cost $102.50"
You may now shotgun with the bride
Oh hey. I left my beer there. Beer is more important than my pride. I want to pick that up.
I fucking hate tequila. Tequila makes me hate pants.
And I threw up 26 times yesterday. I actually think I threw up a spider too.
Normally, it will inspire me to work. Today, it's inspiring me to masturbate.
Never ever make a tattoo bet. I now have a shamrock on my dick.
Quit bitching. I brought you a muffin.
They want a bedroom just for their cats. And you thought we were gay.
Randomize
