Please tell me you did not just serenade her with "Let's Get it On"?
Yeah I think it worked. My penis thanks you, Captain Morgan.
if this week's events in iraq have taught me anything, it's that when pulling out, always expect a mess...
You also had the stripper slap the shit out of me for not having any money....remember that?
Is it wierd that I kind of wish I could hang out with Melissa Joan Hart?
I woke up with spaghetti in my mouth
The neighbors are smoking hash and doing Julia Child impressions...again.
sweet and enthusiastic is code for tiny dick.
I dig being used for consequence free sex. Not consequenceful sex.
I don't know where Tiffany is but I just saw her shoes in the bar lost and found
All I need is the Internet and a place to drink.
They let me close the tennis center alone. It's a 6-minute drive from 2 of my booty calls. Scratch tennis court bj off the bucket list.
Your message cut off at "shit on the floor". Your life is incredible.
How do you tell someone who's buying a pregnancy test to have a nice day .... Like how
I had a dream last night that I met Diplo. Now I'm just sad
Come on, will you just fuck him so we can watch Star Wars.
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