it looked like a condom graveyard when i woke up. they were everywhere
I'll show rhose boucners: You don't let me in, I poop on your pool.
You tried to tip the paramedic for finding you.
Somehow I managed to make my Dunkin Donuts uniform look slutty. And I'm not even wearing hoops.
Two portable blenders. We are going to be popular and dangerous.
he told me to hold it and try to write my name in the snow and it seemed like a bonding moment because neither one of us had ever done that before. i didn't anticipate it vibrating and weirding me out therefore making me let go and get my hand peed on.
i introduced myself to everyone by my new name, thundergooch. i threatened the neighbors with a hammer when they used my real name. needless to say, sailor jerry was not kind to me.
Told her my spirit animal was the spread eagle. Now that's my name in her phone.
This is the Taco Bell dump we've all been waiting for.
Have you ever come so hard that right after you have the urge to yell "make me a sandwich!"? ...I think my ovaries turned into testicles.
saw a dude wearin soccer cleats at the bar tonight. fuckin kiddin me man?
If I win the lottery I'm going to hire someone to skywrite "FUCKTARD" over his house. That much anger.
Remember the girl I had sex with in the dorm stairwell? She got married!
Left my house last night with a girlfriend, $200 in my wallet, and 10 finger nails. Came home with no girlfriend, an empty wallet, and 9 1/2 finger nails.
Yea, I had a bad night too aha
Sextember may be over, but Cocktober is just beginning!!!
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