i think the fact that he graduated high school the year i graduated elementary school is sexy.
but why does your life always sound like the plot of a porn?
jusi got death stares at taco bell because I asked if Denise was working.
I just claimed my unemployment in Vegas. This seems wrong.
I haven't had nearly enough lesbian experiences to fully commit to this relationship.
accidentally stumbled into a construction site at 3am on the way home. The bulldozer was locked so we had to settle for rerouting traffic with all the orange cones...
You know our reunion in two weeks shall be a drunken bikini clad magical adventure right
YOU'RE CHANGING THE SUBJECT. I CAN BLOW SOMETHING UP OR I CAN TELL HIM YOU LOVE HIM, BUT ONE OF THE TWO IS BOUND TO HAPPEN
You left me alone with nothing but donuts and my thoughts.
You're doing screenings before you set me up again- no child sized dicks allowed.
Happy Father's Day to the first man I called Daddy while cumming.
He passed away peacefully doing what he loved to do best. Eating a pound of vodka gummy worms and failing at sex and the city trivia.
I smell like heartbreak.
Tequila and sloppy rebound sex?
How did you know?
I may have just got motorboated by a male stripper who told me I should be a porn star and not a vet student.
So the makeout sesh? Not so great. His stubble rubbed my face raw, he tried to push me towards auto-erotic asphyxiation, and he licked my forehead. Twice.
Randomize
