Having a conversation over beer pong about a threesome I participated in...it's only Wednesday
just woke up to a 10 min voicemail of you singing "99 red ballons".... you need to work on your german..
She looks makes a Zellweger face when she cums, she's keeps asking why I call her renee
her name was charlotte except you kept calling her chatroulette and yelling at her to show you her boobs
white shorts are a girls way of saying "im ready to fuck cuz its not my time of month"
can I come stay the night
yeah, but no sex tonight
I'll stay home
We've had the 'life would be so much better if we were both lesbians' conversation too much for that to be okay.
I went out in the middle of the night to smoke my weed.. Didn't realize my dad was sitting on the patio doing the exact same thing..
So "Abstinence August" was a bust. Maybe I'll try for "Sex-free September" or "Only if we're facebook official October"
I feel a five day drunk coming on.
I just want a pillowcase full of fast food so I can eat and sleep this hangover away
He said he was walking down to the White Castle for sliders, still drinking straight from a 750. He came back two hours later pushing a grocery cart that had two puppies in it.
The puppies promptly had the squirts all over the living room, as he had fed them the sliders.
I was too lazy to get my chapstick out of my purse so i lubed up my lips with pizza grease. On a scale of 1-10 how embarassed should i be?
So I had Xanax for breakfast & I'm probably going to fuck my tennis instructor.
I'm basically cruising around listening to 90's gangsta rap with my meatball sub telling people to go fuck themselves
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