Why don't I have your new number? And who have I been texting?
I just spent $27 on things to pee on.
Gay walks of shame are so much more Amy Winehouse than straight girls
i really need to stop putting makeup on my cats..
I'm covered in pickle juice. Why do you people leave me alone?
It involved homemade coconut rum, a waterfall, and street signs. I'll leave the rest to your capable imagination.
We did nothing beneficial to ourselves, or our country last night.
But it's a terrible idea. One erection and it's gonna go wrong
You screamed for campus security to do something about the police officer who dumping ur 40
Tell me when you get here. I'm drinking beer in the bushes next to your house, and I put my hoodie up because I was cold. Pretty sure everyone lowkey thinks i'm homeless.
I could probably be laying here naked and he'd still be more interested in this thunderstorm
He wrote on the bartenders notepad "phone?" So I wrote back "911"
Everclear isn't food dammit
Omg. I can't go on a date with this man. His kids are too ugly.
I danced my ass off after the funeral last night. Kept dropping it low and I can feel it in my legs today. Im like shit I needa go work out
What a way to honor the dead
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