I just realized that when I walk away people probably say "wow she really has a drinking problem" and sadly it doesn't bother me.
1 of the best things of being a business owner is I don't get fired for having sex in the office
I asked what she wanted from Hawaii. She said a baby like Aaden from JK 8.
where am I supposed to find one of those?
You need to take one for the team and go bang a random sample of mexicans. Cause my internets broke and I can't google mexican foreskin stats.
the igloo is complete. bring your weed and the hat with the floppy ears
He wouldn't let me go down on him. He stopped me and told me he was a giver.
Idk if you've ever had the pleasure of 1. Vomiting on a sidewalk - at 3 in the afternoon 2. Vomiting nachos or 3. Vomiting nachos out of your nose but really I do not advise any of the above.
If I don't end up being a booty call for Valentine's Day, you wanna go to the movies?
I found a bag of weed while packing. Now packing is like creating tiny universes inside of boxes.
No one is allowed to go to bed until all bottles are finished, I don't want to feel my face tongiht. Do you understand?
Thursday could be nutella day. You could make me a nutella sandwich and then fuck me senseless
i gotta stop hooking up with people just to get to their dogs
All she has to do is text me and my dick gets hard. She asked how my day was going and it got hard.
It shouldn't be this hard to find someone who you haven't blown.
I got up and left his place at 3am because I remembered I had a burrito in my car.
Randomize
