I did a mental Irish jig when he pulled out the second condom.
her underwear stopped being sexy when i saw her pubes sticking out of the top.
As your boss, I feel obligated to tell you that turning our management meeting into a kegger may just be the best idea you've given me yet.
Also, just grabbed a bunch of "tuxedo black" condoms. formal, anyone?
my brother walked in while we were fucking, silently took my bong from my closet, saluted us and walked out.
at what point did you see referring to the bartender as 'the white precious' a good idea??
I was topless in his bathroom sink taking bong rips , goodmorning . He told me he could get use to this
I really like her...she always overpays me for xanax and still feels the need to fuck me to make up for it....
Well THAT'S the last time I buy beer and baby wipes in the same Walmart run ... just wanted to shout I USE THEM TO REMOVE MY MAKEUP, YOU ASSHOLES
He literally cried into his tacos and screamed fuck bitches. Don't know if it was the best, or the worst hook up, ever.
you licked my face then when I finally got you to the bathroom, mid puke you said you liked the taste of my foundation.....you weren't drunk at all....
I yelled out "blow jobs!" in my macroeconomics class. Ask me more about how my life is spiraling out of control.
When he was leaving this morning he said I'll text you later on and I replied with if you don't that's cool too.
we tried to make a drinking game out of 4 pokemon cards you found in a drawer.
Accidentally mixed my gin with cold brew coffee instead of cranberry juice. It’s bad. But I’ll finish it. Never leave a fallen soldier.
Randomize
