Culvers...So Good
So good. The butter burgers slip right outta my ass.
if she shaves her mustache, i'll let her give me head
Hey I found a place that'll do a hand job for 42 bucks
did we hook up?
no, because you kept repeating "itty bitty titties" when i took off my shirt
Just because your phone has a case on it doesn't mean it will survive a 5 story drop out the window.
I just got hard thinking about a crunch wrap. Im done
Hey do you think you can sew an adult onsie with easy access if you know what I mean!!?? It must have bunny feet.
Recycling day makes me feel more like an alcoholic than regular days.
He's saved in my phone as 'MURICA. I think it's safe to say I'm not exactly taking him seriously.
STOP HOOKING UP WITH SOCCER MOMS! YOU ARE RUINING MY REPUTATION!
Xanax and full house Tuesday is now Percocet Sunday
Calm down I'm not kidnapping the bartender
So...I was fapping and during it, I got an Amber Alert notification...that's just bad timing.
ugffhh I have work in 4 hours and have recieved zero sleep, seeing that I'm trapped in the arms of a snoring bear man. can't. breathe. lost in the forestry of his chest hair.
And tell your penis that we can hang out tonight for sure.
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