guess they didn't have any donuts in her size.
Just took my pill on time for two days in a row. I deserve a prize.
Not having phil's child is good enough.
Last awkward moment of 2011: your ex gf grinding on me in front of her husband.
I wanna give a stern lecture to whoever invented pants cause they are hard right now
We found you in the middle of the road chucking gravel because "the house was too far away".
There was enough sluts here for 2 threesomes to happen at the same time, and you still struck out. What did you do to piss off karma so much?
Tequila, beer, rum, gin, and vodka all mixed in my body last night. The whole "never turn down free booze" is catching up to me. Hungover = understatement of the year.
We also had a full on debate about how realistic and useful teleportation and time travel would be...and only used Twilight Zone episodes as "scientific evidence"
When you put the phrases "just out of shower" and "did you get the picture" that close together, a picture of hamburger helper is not exactly what I expected to pop up.
Booty called 3 guys from my hospital bed
I made a White Russian but saw how early it was and decided to substitute it for milk in my lucky charms. This is what it means to be an adult.
My hair tie broke, stole my one-night stands daughters pink sparkly one. BEST hair-tie I have ever used...
I'm pretty sure I went in the girls bathroom and vomited everywhere then looked for a urinal for like 20 minutes
My neighbor was my D.A.R.E officer and I feel like I've defeated him by smoking weed outside everyday
Also I will be receiving my own bra in the mail because I left it at his place, woops
Randomize
