absolutely 100% incorrect. and i love you more you silk skinned goddess
babies were throwing up all over the place
I was born with a shot glass in my hand
by the end of the night i am guaranteed to have less of a face than Seal....
hey. who tried to drive me home last night?
not sure. we got lost. what do you mean "tried"?
i'm still in their car. parked on the beach. no one else is here. i have on different pants.
So... on the count of three, we are going to forget last night ever happened... 1...2...3
I wasn't sure how he was going to followup "so,i shot myself.." i guess "w a nail gun" is the best choice out of what I expected
I'm sorry I drunk dialed you before realizing that you were already in bed with me.
Just from watching vine I come to conclusion that all pornstars are dog hoarders.
Lesbians had sex in my bed last night. It's a thing of pride
Apparently swingers are magnetically drawn to me?
I swear to God if you start calling your dick “my pegasus” we’re not friends anymore
I don't know what else is in your wedding gift, but I just pulled out a pair of handcuffs in front of her grandmother.
Also a whip and a blindfold. Don't be a bitch, enjoy it!
they call themselves the foursome.. thats def means they're up for one right?
oh man there are to hot chicks wrestling in a pool of maple syrup. ill send you a picture
this is why i will never break up with you
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