how was your night?
well, i just purchased 'sorry for being a drunk whore' cupcakes. how do you think my night was?
woke up with 15 BAGS of hot dog buns in my passenger seat... jameson strikes again
Some dude gave me a questioning look as I came out of the women's toilet. I just responded 'blowjob' and he understood, then shook my hand.
My heart is having a hard time convincing my vagina he's not worth it.
4pm update. Theres smashed cake inside my duffel bag, a vodka bottle in the dish drainer, and the most productive thing ive done is make 40 pigs in a blanket
Its hard to hear the music in here over his nasal whistle. And his breath smells like old milk. I think I need more vodka, and he better be buying. You owe me.
I have so much boob sweat I could bathe a baby
You were walking around in your swim suit, an open robe, snow boots and a death grip on that handel of captain morgan.
It was less of a bar, and more of an abandoned basement that some people sell booze in.
Don't Richard Nixon her vagina
THERE IS A MOTHERFUCKING HUMMINGBIRD FLYING AROUND IN OUR HOUSE RIGHT NOW HOW DO I GET IT OUT????
I vomited out my contact lenses last night
I promise your sink was clogged before I threw up in it.
Are you still passed out in my back seat, or do I need to come find you?
I'm not having sex with him if he doesn't believe in gay marriage and abortions.
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