I just had the fat girl at the party come tell me I look sad and offer me a beer. I'm out.
and i forgot to tell you that my armpit hair is now completely grown back. man i love winter.
The stripper from Delilahs paid the desk clerk to find out my room #. Either Im doin something very right or she's doing it worng.
I think he finally resigned to the fact he could not get off. He just looked at me and said "I'm having testicle difficulties," rolled over and passed out.
We found her hiding in the bath tub.. And when i opened the curtain she replied "thank you" and walked out like nothing happened.
I fucked her and then she made me sleep on the floor next to her bed because she 'has a committment problem'
Nothing says "I forgive you for puking on me during sex" like a Facebook add the next morning...
Just sharpening my eyeliner with a butterfly knife. You know. Typical weekday morning.
one renamed every person in my phone 'I lpvw tewqils', so it would really help me out if you could text me your name. Happy sunday!
Paying for my weed with Mike's hard lemonade freezables. The perks of having a gay dealer
i just got hit on on the bus. Yes sir, because its every boys dream to fuck a forty year old with a face tattoo
i think my cat just said my name.
This bar smells like your ball sack. In a weird way I miss you.
Got a high five from a Superman stripper tonight
I wrote an entire paper in under an hour about The Nightmare Before Christmas. I was also high as shit and pretty sure I dedicated half the page to the animation but still.
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