im going to forcibly insert an angry corn snake into his urethra
I don't know where your sunglasses are, I was too preoccupied with girls not old enough to drive past midnight.
Just had a handjob preempted by a huge bolt of static electricity leaping from her fingertip to my sack. I hate this time of year.
Is it weird that out of everything, Im most worried about chipping a tooth on his prince albert?
i'm pregaming while finishing a paper on cardio myocyte contractility in mice. i'm kicking finals week's ass right now
Thank god the bicycalist i hit was on drugs
Next test. Underwater blowjob. If you fail...out of water blow job
I hate about 85% of people that I meet. I'm an awful person. In reality my only redeeming qualities are my face, my amazing scissoring skills and the fact that children love me.
True on all accounts.
I swear my vagina formed calluses just to deal with how big he is
No. I'm drinking straight up vodka right now. With a pineapple in it.
That'll put some boobs in that bra.
I'm really stoned in my underwear. I probably won't make it to the bar.
I woke up this morning and the lid to the back of my toilet was missing. Dahfaq do I do with this shit?
hahaha every time i hear a motorcycle i think about that one time you almost died
Thanks for the flashbacks you prick.
I just had sex in the footy bunny pajamas my mom bought me for christmas. Tis the season
My saturday night consisted of sewing my Halloween costume and watching Blues Clues
You actually...sewed your costume?
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