You need Jesus like Tony Danza needs another hit show.
the world took limewire and four lokos away from me in one week....hello depression
MASS TEXT: who ever dared Todd to suck on the Clorox wipes last night.. good goin jackass. you can come visit him, hes in room 266, AFTER hes done getting his stomach pumped.
HE DARED ME TO DARE HIM... DONT PUT THAT ON ME.
I'm watching intervention which is getting me psyched for your birthday. Is that wrong?
I got laid and laid off at a conference in long beach all on the same day
Eh. They balance each other out
he busted into the room with single cheese slices and started yelling "THROW SOME CHEESE ON THAT BITCH"
Although a guy bought me a shot of fireball last wknd and I told him he wouldn't even get half a handjob for that and walked away so don't tell me I don't have standards
The only person I have to bring is crazy hospital guy
HE'S NOT INVITED!!!
I did however clean up the cupcakes and vomit so I'm not that bad of a roommate
He yelled "I'm Bruce Springsteen!" when he came. This is why I don't sleep with guys from Jersey.
I don't know how guys can take themselves seriously when they see themselves naked
i refuse to sex anyone who doesn't get my lord of the rings references. no exceptions.
YOU JUST GOT OUT OF THE HOSPITAL AND YOU'RE ALREADY DRINKING?!
I fell out of my bed whilst trying not to move this morning. I AM ADULT
I had ice cream for breakfast two days in a row.
SUPER ADULTS
You guys do the cocaine and I'll do the dishes.
Randomize
