Ugh, here's a dating tip. Hairy legs are a major turn off
I just had a librarian tell me that "wikipedia is like sex"
When he expanded on the analogy it actually made sense. "you're going to do it either way, so I'm just going to tell you how to do it safely."
He is going overseas for 8 months, not only was that blowjob a going away present, but i was supporting the troops
if i actually bought condoms for every time i had sex, i could single handedly fix the economy
the meat mosque collapsed into the alcohol moat
I hooked up with some guy to get over my ex last night. I was terrified until we started doing naked pushups.
Shaving my legs with an ankle monitor on is surprisingly more difficult than the drunk driving that got me here
It was awk he was sittin on a plastic backyard chair in his underwear and high white socks in the dark watching the nuggets game
We're like adult pinky and the brain when they decided that taking over the world is unrealistic so they aim lower by trying to get drunk every day.
Yeah I'm at the doctors getting a shotand don't know how to tell them I'm still probably drunk from last night
So the pizza place just called me after an hour saying they don't have dough
Woke up in a hotel room with some random guy then walked over a mile to the bus stop where I laid down and waited on the bus. GREAT NIGHT
I didn't want him to hear me sneaking in. The doggie door was the perfect solution.
so on a scale from morning glass of wine to that time i burnt the garage down how drunk were you last night
About 'lets tie a boat to a truck and ride it down the freeway'
so I just realized.. of my 70k student loan debt, most of it went toward bar tabs, eightballs, and sweet-ass ties to wear to gamedays and other people's weddings. I think about shit like this while I'm at my mid-level management position. you know. "working."
Look upon your future, America, and despair.
Randomize
