If you really hate me that much, you need to stop letting me put my penis inside of you. It sends the wrong message.
you're the one who masterbates every night to the titanic soundtrack
Sunscreen. In my vag. I hate summer sex.
i can barely draw a stick figure let alone shave a heart into my pubes
Apparently she ran into the Emergency Room declaring "ROOM, PLEASE" as if she were checking herself into Holiday Inn.
would it be mean if I put better with the lights off on my sex playlist just for my hook up with him?
I woke up this morning to a lot of blurry photos of a swan i must have chased down the riverbank and a handbag full of loose haribo.
I've been here for three hours and I am already feeling sorry for whatever offspring i will indefinitely produce in this place.
I pray for you bro.
They ran out of toilet paper, so I had a girl rip down the streamers so I could wipe.
Are you wearing clothes?
Fuck no, who do you think I am
My mom legitimately hired a private eye on me. DO YOU KNOW HOW EXCITING MY LIFE JUST GOT???
Only you would consider your best friend fucking your boyfriend to be a sign of everlasting friendship
Yes, you can glue plastic eyes to my dick and take pictures while I'm asleep. If you tell anyone I said you could do that Ima fight you.
Dude chill patience is a virtue.
WHY DOES PATIENCE HAVE TO BE A VIRTUE, WHY CAN'T HURRY THE FUCK UP BE A VIRTUE?
For some reason drunk me always leaves sober me a banana in the morning.
Randomize
