oh my god I didn't know your sister was this good at french kissing
I told my rommate that he was pissing on his bed. He said "ok man" and took a step backwards and continued. He then went back to bed.
welp wont be popping out a kid with a beret. frenchie is gone and the mother nature showed herself. bilingual kid can be erased from the bucket list
Today's forecast: A sex tornado warning has been issued in your area. Counties affected include your bed, your shower, or your couch. This warning is in effect until further notice. Signs of a sex tornado include: your girlfriend coming up with a huge analogy to inform you that she's ungodly horny today.
I borrowed a glass of wine. And the bottle. Your cat said it was ok
max decided it would be a good idea to run down the hall and smack down the exit sign. now we are sitting in the emergency room, and he is wearing the sign as a bracelet
We went the strip club and out of no where the waitress brings him over a quesadilla and a jäger bomb and says your usual!! He swore he had never been there before
Like, I can't stand that bitch, but i genuinely hope she gets the help she needs
sexting while watching Peter Pan the Musical! something just doesn't seem right here
Remember when I made fun of you when you ran out of toilet paper on your brother's birthday and had to use coffee filters? Guess what happened today
i need some fresh meat. meat that has a license and a job and isn’t a FULL-blown alcoholic. partial i could tolerate, bc, haha, let’s be honest, me likey my drinkies.
Actually we have similar relationship styles aka no relationship... it could work
He’s really fucking cute. Like, I want his penis in my mouth cute.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
yeah, last night we handcuffed you and you started crying saying that you weren't a bad person
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