you know you made some mistakes when your last two boyfriends are both obsessed with women's curling...
You weren't lying about those ceramics students giving the best hand jobs.
Ok the fact that you know THAT phrase perfectly is terrifying. You just proved you can slut it up in mulitiple languages.
According to the bell hop, we stumbled in about 4 and then cannon balled into the pool.
Fair warning, if I start singing "Kiss Me, I'm Shitfaced" at any point tomorrow, just go with it
I'm mad at him and disappointed with you. It's like I put a bunch of effort into a PowerPoint of "what not to do with Zach" to show you and the first bullet point was "do not love him" and you're just disregarding all my effort and friendship.
I have to make mistakes myself to learn from them
FUCK YOU I AM MAKING A POWERPOINT
Do you have any idea how hard it is to iphone keyboard type "roflcopter" when intoxicated?
don't act like you've never hung your towel on your dick after getting out of the shower
Yep if he's taking selfies he's probably on drugs again.
I took a sleeping pill while he was in the bathroom. Time for a game of how long can we bang before I fall asleep.
You are both horrible and amazing
It's cool dude. The dank is in the form of premade smores with honey grahm crackers, marshmallow cream and 420 brand choc. bars. NV weed laws have nothing on me.
My makeup bag looks like it has lips and wants to sing to me... Too high?
sometimes i just have a bad day n consider lowering my standards
MANIFESTATION IS REAL AND IM GETTING LAID TONIGHT
First walk of shame in 18 years. Divorce is going well.
Randomize
