I'm gunna smoke cigs today. I feel like I'm in that powerful and gritty mood which requires them
Broke my phone, have no voice AND I was blackout by 3 p.m...I'm betting I had a great time.
I just accidentally handed the ticket lady a condom instead of the intended ticket. I am now the official whore of Harry Potter.
I hope i woe up in your car, or else i stole someone elses and slept in the back seat
random question: do you know anywhere in the tri-state that has elephant racing? this is a work related question.
He scored a 8.5/10 on that girls powerpoint. Of course I slept with him
I also would have accepted most things ending in "job", erotic favors, and food.
the laptop wouldn't balance on his lap. that's how well endowed he is.
im getting coffee to go get coffee.
Im throwing up in my trash can so I can go throw up in the toilet. We're basically on the same level.
drinking ice water after you brush your teeth, is like Antarctica blowing a load into your mouth.
It's not so much that I'm giving her money because I threw up on her floor. It's more like I'm paying her to never ever mention it again.
Drunkenly, I gave him a molly instead of an aleve so A) I'm still looking for him and B) I'm not sure about his headache.
Remember, I smoked so you wouldn't have to. I'm like the Jesus of Marijuana.
Dude, the T Swift concert might not be so bad after all. Can you say milfs living vicariously through their teenage daughters? Score.
Who the hell tries to steal eggnog.
Randomize
