She said as long as i don't wake her up she doesn't care what hole i use.
Got yourself a keeper right there.
so they made cookies with their faces printed on them...I ate jaime...she tasted like poop
nobody understood you. You kept speaking french and hiding shit in your boobs
I got drunk and applied for two credit cards last night. About to find out if anyone in this world is still dumb enough to give me credit.
Well It's time to grow up anyways, right? Now that you're graduated and have a job you can't drink uncontrollably
No. Now that I'm graduated I can drink uncontrollably at nicer bars
after you threw up, you tried to prove you were sober by reading the ingredients off the shampoo bottles
So I'm about to go to his house and have "I'm really sorry for cheating on you last night" sex
I can't, I'm busy. I've been walking around Tokyo on google maps for an hour.
So..he has a girlfriend BUT she rarely writes on her wall and is only in 5 of his 371 tagged photos and her default pic is her with some other dude. It cant be serious
Oh my god you need to get off of facebook.
Telling the family you're going for a run, getting dressed in workout clothes, and then walking halfway around the block and smoking a joint. This is my life
Tonight I plan on passing out fully clothed on the table. I don't know where normal people plan on sleeping.
He was chasing Ciroc shots with sips of Captain Morgan... he didn't make it to midnight
The difference between 22 and 28 is bigger than I realised. I had the urge to put on Spongebob and give him a cookie.
Well my mom knows that the welt I had on my forehead last month was the result of a sex accident. This holiday sucks
I don't trust my subconscious. It sleeps with my exboyfriend sometimes.
Randomize
