smoked weed with Joakim Noah last night....if he was half as fast to the basket as he is to grab a joint from me we'd have another championship on our hands
hah yeah. there was a kid puking in the bathroom and this idiot brings in a potted plant and was like "yeah he's like, not getting enough oxygen"
dinner with the girl I motorboated last semester wasn't as awkward as I thought it would be
My bracket is officially just a list of teams that lost.
I don't know if it's lucky or if it really just makes my tits look THAT good, but I've never NOT gotten laid with this bra on
I don't want anything to do with the Darth Vader stripper babe. I'm just trying to make dreams come true.
Nothing like pulling a bottle of vodka out of your purse at 7am in the security line to make your fellow passengers uncomfortable...
Nothing like coaching 5 year olds with a bunch of visible bruises from last night's drunk bondage sex.
One of those days. Also, your pants are now in my protective custody.
She said I had a really great aura. Which I think is hippie code for "I bet you can give me a mind melting orgasm"
This morning i put band aids over my nipples bc i was too lazy to put on a bra. Think I've reached a new low.
He legit watched "Cops" the entire time he was fingering me.
I had a meltdown and you quoted Puddle of Mudd to me
If you could get me there thatd be perfect. I doubt there's extradition on the moon.
It's his. I know, I'm pregnant with a genetic douche bag but at least he'll be pretty!
Randomize
