I think someone spiked my drink last night. .. Like all 20 of them.
i was unsuccessful, further solidifying for me that girls should not masturbate.
True Life: I puke at bars and try to catch it in my hand...then walk away like it didn't happen
i kept drunkenly begging people i met to be in my facebook mafia
bad decision 37: pregaming the antique store
just had wine and brownie batter for dinner. Single life is good
ROOF CAVED IN, WE'RE GUNNA MAKE A WATERSLIDE
I world jack off literally anyone now that I'm not related to.
Waking up to find your mom holding your birth control pills and telling you I suggest you take this
We ate our feelings. Then drank our feelings. I feel feminism delivered.
Braid them armpits, sister.
I want a bottle of whiskey to be dropped at my doorstep like a stork drops babies when they are delivered to their parents.
God what have you done to be that much in need of alcohol.
Me WANTS my preciousssssssssss
the good news is that even if it's Alex's, I can still say it's Colin's, because the kid will come out ginger anyway!
who knew there'd be a plus side to your ginger fetish one day?
I say I hate my boss but I find myself jerking off to him more and more with each passing day
You just put lesbians and Hogwarts in the same sentence. Of course I'm in.
So is he the one who got away?
They all got away. I’m a catch and release kind of girl.
Randomize
