You hurt me so bad and it feels so good
the stripper made me go home becuz she had to take her kid to a birthday party in the morning
I've spent 9 hours vomitting in the fetal position... how did i stay like this for 9 months?
I know you didn't add your TWO random hook ups from the weekend to your FB friends AND change your status to "Good Catholic Girl" on the same day.
I just found ouut you can get a DUI in a kayak. Fuck.
for future reference: even when 4 loko is flat it still fucks you up. im near a tree. come find me.
I just fell down my stairs. I know that you are 6 hours away but please come pick me up. I promise I will still be here on the stairs.
Haha, oh man. I'm awake now. Slept in my headdress.
I didnt want you guys to know I needed to puke, so I just nonchalantly did in my solo cup and threw it out the window
I needed tweezers to get my thong out of my ass this morning.
I just wrote my resume on the same park bench I got felt up at in freshman year of highschool... I've truly come full circle
So, I'm either with my future life partner or my future life taker. And his brother. lol. I'll let you know when I get home alive.
Was it you that ate my bacon or do I have to rip my roommate's face off?
Update: I just threw up in between cars in the parking lot of magic kingdom.
I will fuck anyone who brings me mcdonalds right now
Randomize
