Mike and I just ate the lobster we found in the toilet
I told him to show me what he was made of and he came on my face. law students are so technical.
still haven't packed clothes. only wine. gotta love spring break
There are some college kids out at 4 in the morning dragging each other on a sled behind a bike. its too entertaining to call the cops
Thank GOD those kids were having a lemonade stand, I didn't have anything to wash down my plan b with.
I bruised my spine.. Jungle gyms were clearly not meant for sex.
I found the hair cut I want on the girl in the porno I'm watching. now really sure how to show my stylist.
Do you remember trying to make pizzas with the domino workers last night...while trying to speak their language with them.. spanish?
It was a shot marathon. It only ended because we werent drinking in our house apparently we walked into the nieghbors. When they got home thy were soooooo pissed.
I'm pretty sure that our Lady and The Tramp Red Vine moment was the farthest I got last night
Does it still count as a valentine if it's drunk phone sex at 3 in the morning
He's slurring his text. I didn't think that was possible.
Totally thought something squeezed my boob. Then I remembered I was wearing a bra. Isn't weed great?
Bro, if we got a house, it'd basically be a revolving door for slightly overweight, but extra cute, sexually deviant girls with daddy issues.
probably because i sent a bunch of guys a snap saying happy one year to my nipple piercings
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